untanglingknots.com: December 2009

by Karla ° Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I placed the box, bedazzled in pink and all things girly by the front door. I zipped up my hoodie, wrapped a scarf around my neck and as I turned to find my shoes the gravity of what that box symbolized struck me and I felt the familiar sting of grief-fueled pain well from within. “Nate, Sweet Pea, please put on your boots. It’s time to go,” cracked my voice as I willed the tears not to come.

“Is that a present for Ava Mommy?” Nate asked, his ocean-blue eyes meeting mine, full of questions yet brimming with innocent simplicity. “No Sweet Pea, Ava isn’t with us anymore. We are donating this present for another little girl because it’s a really nice thing to do.” And then he said it, and I know he doesn’t quite grasp the full meaning behind what he is saying but he followed up with, “That’s because Ava died. I miss my sister Mommy.” My breath caught in my throat as I leaned in to embrace my living child. “I do, too Sweet Pea, I do, too.”

It’s a yearly tradition. We buy a gift, something we would have given Ava for Christmas and donate it to a local Toy Drive. Ava would have been four this year, almost five actually. It saddens my heart tremendously that she isn’t here to experience the childhood magic of Christmas, but it warms my heart to know that a little girl, somewhere, someplace who may not be as fortunate as us might have an opportunity to experience a piece of the magic my daughter never will.

Labels: In Memory of Ava, Nate

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Comments (14)

Be-gifted

by Karla ° Saturday, December 5, 2009

Santa said I've been a very good girl this year. Or a naughty girl. I forget, exactly what the final verdict was. But when he asked me to sit on his lap and whisper in his ear what would make me happy, I was totally honest and told him I wanted a new camera. I may have exchanged certain questionable favours but LO! Look what showed up today! My new camera!