Black Hole of Need
by Karla ° Wednesday, August 29, 2007
One of my most favourite time of day is Nate’s bath time.

The ultimate goal of bath time has little to do with cleaning remnants of dinner out of his ears and eyebrows and more to do with encouraging Nate to unwind before bed in a relaxingly warm bath, followed by an evening night cap of warm milk served out of his decanter of choice – boobs.

I am usually the one that bathes Nate and I find it easier to actually get in the tub with him. So while I run the water for his bath, Mark takes care of getting him undressed and helping him expend pent up energy by squeezing out as many calorie burning belly laughs as possible. It always amazes me how easy it is to make a baby squeal with laughter because I don’t remember finding it very funny at all the last time Mark draped me over his shoulders and turned my ass into a drum bum.

While waiting for Mark to bring me a naked baby to wash, I try and make use of my precious time alone and do productive things - like maintain my status in the animal kingdom as a woman – and shave my legs.

Sometimes Mark arrives bearing a nude baby quicker than I expected and shaving must be put on hold because Nate is a boy, which also makes him a loose cannon equipped with reckless boy parts. That squirt. Unexpectedly.

Also, bath time is right after dinner time. And you never know what surprises may hail from the flatulent squawk of his butt trumpet.

I’m not exactly sure why, but every time Mark hands Nate over for his bath, I ask if he pooped. I’m even less sure what purpose being gifted with knowledge about the state of his diaper serves either. Because if the verdict comes back that yes, he pooped, then he has a bath. And if the verdict comes back that no, he did not poop his pants, has still has a bath.

But that is what I do.

I ask.

Because apparently motherhood has reduced the magnitude of things that interest me to what surprises can be found inside my son’s diaper.

For all the ways that motherhood has changed me though, there is one thing I know for certain.

I had some mighty lucky stars shining on my lady parts the night my adorable little black hole of need was conceived.

I just love him to pieces.

Bottomless pails full of dirty diapers and all.


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I'll raise a glass to milk bearing boobs, blessed lady parts and black holes of need. Mmm, and how about one more toast to the, ahem, daddy sized vehicle for squirtage, that made it all possible.
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  August 29, 2007

Oh my, I just gave my son a bath the other day and he had a serious (and very fast) poop right smack in the middle of it. He is 2 1/2 and I was folding laundry (in the same room) so I had turned away for a second. Suddenly I hear whimpering; I turn and there he is, looking at me all distressed, pointing to the mess he made. It's amazing how everything they do is adorable.

Yes, for a while the diaper and it's contents will be of utmost importance. Luckily, soon enough, you will move on.

I was also lucky to never have Mr. P poop in the bath but once.
Posted by Blogger Gina :  August 29, 2007

Maddie is five and she STILL comes running to have a bath with me every time she hears me running the water. Thankfully she no longer poops in the tub.
Posted by Blogger Heather :  August 29, 2007

I am definitely sure that that's the first time I've ever heard a baby called a "little black hole of need", although I have to say I agree 100%!

I'm glad you like bathtime, b/c I hate it. I try to avoid it as much as possible. I always have hated it. I don't know why. I try to pawn the duty off on Trey as much as possible. I do like how they all smell once it's over, though.
Posted by Blogger Christi :  August 29, 2007

Aiden's decantur of choice is anything that gets him the deliciousness that is his mommy's milk. Or boob juice, as we've taken to calling it. Anyway, I still can't believe how much his bowel issues interest me. My time of the day to ask though is when I pick him up from my grandmother's after work. I hear exactly how many ounces of boob juice he's consumed and how many diapers he has dirtied. Oh the wild and crazy lives we mothers live.
Posted by Blogger Brandy :  August 30, 2007

Bath time in our house is pure insanity. 1 and 2 year old naked boys...running...crawling...occasionally peeing on the floor before we can get them in the tub.

Once in the tub, it only takes 97 seconds for 2/3 of the water to be on the floor and cascading down the walls.

Clean up after the bath takes longer than the bath itself AND getting them dressed for bed.

But I love those bathroom-flodding little monkeys more than they will ever comprehend!
Posted by Blogger Cate :  September 01, 2007


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