Purveyor of Poo
by Karla ° Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Last night, on a whim, I decided that it's time to put the house for sale and move to Northern Alaska. I am not ready for the deep winter freeze to come to an end and have decided that the never ending bone-chilling cold is rather refreshing. And besides, the crumbling dampness that hovers in the air from living next to the Great Lakes is nothing that a steaming cup of cocoa can’t alleviate.

I'm learning to adapt to this climate, and have grown rather agile running on uncertain icy footing. And what is not to like about restrictive, heavy clothing and fingers perpetually encased in stiff-gloved leather? I also happen to think it’s rather endearing that my kid looks like an inflated air mattress in his snow suit. It makes me want to poke and coochy coochy coo him.

I don't miss the warm glow of summer’s yellow sun, salmon-pink sunsets or the gilded blush of sun-kissed skin. Oh, and don’t even get me started on how much I do not yearn to open a window and flush away the lingering staleness of months worth of confined and recycled winter air. I especially don't love balmy summer gusts twisting through my hair, or the sleep-enhancing freshness of curtains billowing in a dewy evening breeze, particularly when met with the fragrant smell of ever-blooming flowers.

At least this is what I have been trying to tell myself, because living in an icebox sounds much more enticing than having to deal with the four months worth of thawing dog shit in my backyard.

That’s over one hundred pounds of digested and expelled dog food no longer encapsulated in a hermetically sealed, stench-inhibiting ice tomb that needs to be taken care of. And by taken care of, I mean slapping on a rubber glove, sloshing through the festering meadow muffins, and picking them up, one disgustingly mushy pile at a time.

Welcome to my glamorous life as a Stay at Home Mom, Housewife and Seminal Arbitrator to Samson, the Purveyor of Poo.

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When you are picking up Samsons poo,you could pretend to be on a truffle hunt in your own garden! he-he!(sorry, that was a bit gross)
I wish that we got proper cold winters, and warm summers. Instead in Scotland, you get all four seasons in one day, all year round!

Take care and remember to wash your hands!!!
Posted by Anonymous Amanda Mc :  April 01, 2008

Cats are great!! :)
Posted by Blogger Anvilcloud :  April 01, 2008

When we moved into this house, one of the things that got left behind was a tiny child-sized rake, well-constructed, very durable.

Instead of letting our daughter have it to play with, though, DH has commandeered it for poo-scooping purposes. I must say he's good about going out every few weeks and picking up what's visible, so there isn't quite as much to pick up in spring.

Hmm, I think I'd better go and tell him how much I love him...
Posted by Anonymous Fawn :  April 01, 2008

I am dreading the poop clean up too. And I have two dogs, so I have twice as much poop to clean up. Ugh.
Posted by Blogger Christy :  April 01, 2008

Living in Utah with a dog, we can totally relate. I am so sick of the icky weather I can hardly stand it another second. It especially makes me bitter when the calendar says it is officially spring but we still have snow on our lawn. My husband will be picking up the never ending piles of poop this year though. Seeing as I am pregnant again, it's just simply a task I think I have the right to get out of this year!

Hmmm, no comment here. I won't rub in the fact that it was hot today. Oops, did I say that?
Posted by Blogger Julia :  April 02, 2008

I got this *fabulous* job last night after dinner. Six grocery bags full, collected in hurricane-strength winds and tundra-like temperatures and it's done. The dog is getting a butt plug until June.
Posted by Anonymous Jen O. :  April 02, 2008

I went to college in Central New York, which gets a LOT of lake-effect snow. We lived next to a rose garden where a lot of people walked their dogs. The poop would sink into the snow, and I guess it was an "out of sight, out of mind" situation? My roommates never picked up after her. I felt terrible about it, and furthermore, I hated my thesis. One early spring day I spent two hours picking up *all* the poop in the garden. It was a full grocery bag. THAT'S how much I hated my thesis. Anyway, I feel your pain.

Oh man, the one thing I am not looking forward to if we get a dog.
Posted by Blogger Gina :  April 02, 2008

We are dealing with the exact same situation here in IL. It ain't pretty...
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  April 02, 2008

Hey Girlfriend.. it's in the 70's here. Why don't you move down to NC? We're 3 hrs from the beach or mountains, and in the center of a huge technology region. Great schools.. great homeschooling community.. great place to raise a family...



Yep, I think that the only thing to do is pack up and move house - QUICK!!! before the stuff thaws out!! That would definitly be my choice (ha ha)
Posted by Blogger Tabitha :  April 03, 2008

LOL! I live in Anchorage Alaska and have to say that honestly, we were much warmer than anywhere in Canada this past winter (as evidenced by my mother emailing me the temp every day as a countdown to her visit). I am from Alberta Canada originally and have found it a refreshing change here...

As for the purveyor of poo, well I' don't have a dog but a very regular 12 month old...I getcha.

Posted by Blogger Kris :  April 03, 2008


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