United, We Grieve
by Karla ° Wednesday, April 2, 2008
It has been almost three yeas since we've said goodbye to Ava. Some days, it feels like I have lived an entire lifetime since that tragic day, and other days, it feels like it was just yesterday that I was 38 weeks pregnant and obliviously naïve to the fact that my entire Universe was about to be shifted off its axis and flipped upside down.

It’s hard to find steady ground in the nebulous trenches of grief. It is infinitely vast, hollow, and gut wrenchingly painful. I can’t even begin tell you how many times I collapsed to my knees from the intensity of the heartache and screamed until my body was not capable of screaming anymore.

For me, part of the process of healing and finding breathing space amidst the claustrophobic grip of grief was, and continues to be, from the kindness of the Internet. I know I have said this before, but I truly believe that on the tapestry of humanity, each of us represents a thread, and that we are all carefully woven and interconnected in an intricate blueprint of strength of survival. Honestly, I don’t even know where I would be today without the strength of words and the kind, empathetic well wishes of others through this unified online collective.

Friends, I have something very important to ask of you. A very dear friend of mine, Jen, has just lost her six week old baby girl, Sadie, and my heart feels crushingly heavy for her and her family. Babies are meant to be held, rocked and fiercely protected, and the sheer cruelty of this Universe is beyond anything I will ever comprehend.

Please keep her and her family in your thoughts. And maybe, just maybe, the hammer of grief will ease, even if but for a moment, so that they too can find a small pocket of air to breathe amongst our united wishes of sympathy and compassion.

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My thoughts are with you all.
Amanda x
Posted by Anonymous Amanda McMahon :  April 02, 2008

There are no words. I will be praying for you all.
Posted by Blogger Brandy :  April 02, 2008

Sheesh, Karla, that's tough. There really are no words. Neither of these precious little girls should have ever been lost, but I know that you will be a true blessing to Jen during this awful time. You're an incredibly strong person, and I know that somehow, you'll be able to share that strength with her, despite how much you are still feeling the sting of the grief she is also amongst. I'm so sorry that this hurts so much.

Oh Karla!
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  April 02, 2008

Karla...it is indeed so sad, i will keep them in my thoughts...Ava was on my mind yesterday, for some reason, she must have wanted me to check your blog and know about the baby your friend lost. She's watching you, you know :)
Posted by OpenID jedichic07 :  April 02, 2008

I love you Chiquits.
Posted by Blogger Jen & Co. :  April 03, 2008

I cannot fathom the pain of losing your own flesh and blood. My heart aches for both of you.
Posted by Anonymous Angella :  April 03, 2008

Tears and prayers for sweet Sadie and her family, and in tender remembrance for Ava.

Love you guys,

Sometimes I wish that computers had arms,so that I could send you a big hug!!

My thoughts and prayers are with your friend, and of course with you - as always.

Warmest wishes,
Tabitha X
Posted by Blogger Tabitha :  April 03, 2008

Since I have become addicted to your blog and refer to you as "my friend Karla" when I speak of infant death, even tho we haven't met, I feel a whole new enlightment when it comes to dealing with the loss of an infant child. I will pray for them, you and Ava. I have been thinking of Ava also as that day nears and my pink balloon will be deployed, filled with love, comfort and hope! You have taught me lessons when it comes to my job as well. As a police officer, this sometimes unfortunately comes in handy. So you have helped many more people than you will ever know.

So sorry to hear that my prayers are with the family and friends. Bless that precious lil girl.

Praying for you & your dear friend.
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  April 03, 2008

I really do question this world sometimes.
Posted by Blogger Christi :  April 03, 2008

Oh my. I am so sorry, for you and your friend.

I sometimes think of the video you had here where you were singing to Ava. It was the sweetest most loving song and it just broke my heart.

I am thinking of you both now.
Posted by Blogger BethGo :  April 03, 2008

I'm very new to your blog, but not perinatal loss. I ought to be celebrating nine years of life with my oldest daughter this June. But rather, I'll remember the ninth anniversary of her death. Your stronger now and you'l be the respite your dear friend needs in the coming months. Be there for her, it will be so painful as you retrace your own early grief, but she'll need you and in some strange way it will help you too. Oh, the unfairness of it still brings me to tears.
Posted by Blogger Katie :  April 03, 2008

Both your baby girl Ava and your little friends girl Ava is so gorgeous! So sorry for your loss. They are both so very perfect! We lost a baby to miscarriage on Feb 13th 2007 the day after I found out I was pregnant with a really big fat positive urine stick test at the doctors office. I was spotting and had a bad UTI. I didn't think an early miscarriage could cause me grief at all after being given two living babies as my 1st and 2nd child. Lilikes pregnancy however was a rough journey with severe maternal anemia, 2 blood transfusions for myself. And the fact she was also born with a suspected blood infection. I blamed myself for along time over a rough pregnancy and birth on Lilike. I am due with a baby due July 28th 2008 Im 23 weeks. My iron levels came back low even though Im on iron tabelts, prenatals and vitamin c everyday but luckily the ultrasoudn said baby is doing well so far! At 23 weeks pregnancy with Lilike I was healthy and so was Lilike. Locke was born with the cord wrapped around his neck twice turning a purple color but daddy cut his cord quickly and he came out of childbirth healthy lucky for him!
Posted by Anonymous Sylvie :  April 03, 2008

I love your image of a tapestry with us as the threads.

I don't comment much but I am a faithful reader and Ava's memory lives on in my heart as it does in so many others'.

My heart breaks for your friend. Thank you for giving your readers the opportunity to give her support.
Posted by Blogger jess :  April 03, 2008

When you dream know it will be a sign and a message from your precious and gorgeous baby girl Ava in life. Maybe if you dream of a girl again your next baby will be a girl or a child in your future will be a girl. Or the girl coudl be what Ava looks like as she grows. I had a dream of 2 little girls playing together with me in a dream in 2001. In late 2002 I fell pregnant with my 1st born a baby girl Lilike born on June 25th 2003. And I had a dream of Lilike being a sick newborn and at the end of the dream. Came a toddler boy with blonde hair and blue eyes happily running into his sisters empty rooms throwing aroudn her dresses with a big grin as he then went into our room jumped on our bed saying mommy! This happened just before Lilike turned 1! In 2005 we ttc and got pregnant quickly wiht a baby boy Locke born on May 29th 2006. Perhaps the 2nd girl in my dream was the baby I lost to early miscarriage in 2007.
Posted by Anonymous Sylvie :  April 04, 2008

Karla, I was sitting here this evening thinking of your little Ava and of how her birthdate is approaching and so came here..... I am so sad for your friends (and you) that this has happened ~ their Sadie is just gorgeous and once again, I find myself shaking my head telling myself 'it's just not right'.

You have amazing strength and your friends are very lucky to have your support.

Thinking of you even more this month.

V x

Thank you for sharing this story Karla. The internet is amazing for many different reasons, the least of which is the support you get from total strangers.

The post you linked to brought many tears to my eyes. I can't even begin to understand how rough it would be to lose a child. I know you've experienced this first hand. I'm glad you keep Ava's memory alive, that's so important. Have a nice weekend.
Posted by Blogger egan :  April 04, 2008

Jugs to you and prayers to your friend Jen and her family...

I, just, um.....................


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