S(h)it
by Karla ° Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Nate's most favourite thing to do in the whole wide world right now is teach Samson how to shit.

All he wants do all day is feed Samson kibble and tell him to shit. And I can hardly say no. He’s happy. Samson’s happy. They’re both out of my hair. Shitting makes us all happy.

I know Mark hates it, but I like it when Samson shits in bed with us. I could do without the flatulent squawk of his butt trumpet though. I don’t know what’s wrong with that dog’s intestinal organs, but I’m pretty sure the fumes from his dog farts could be bottled and sold as the next generation of tear gas.

When he was a puppy, he used to love shitting in the bathtub, but these days, trying to shove his giant 90 lb dog torso in the tub is a job in and of itself, let alone expecting him to shit in there.

And despite the hairy mess he leaves behind, we do let Samson shit on the furniture.

Oh, and then there’s the van. OMFG! The van! That dog totally LOVES shitting in the van. He didn't have much room to shit when he had to share the back seat of our compact car with Nate's car seat, so he especially loves it now that he has the entire back row all to himself to shit on.

Sometimes Samson shits outside, but only if it's sunny and he can catch a tan, too. He mostly prefers to shit in the house and spend his time outdoors running and playing.

And even though Samson has his moments of riotous disobedience, he's mostly a good dog and shits on command. Especially if the fridge door is opened. You should see what a good shitter he is then. Also, whenever we're out for a run, I make him shit before he crosses the road, too. You know, for safety.

Our dog goes absolutely apeshit crazy when we take him anywhere, so we always have to work very hard at helping Samson to relax and shit at the front door before we ring the doorbell. I know our friends and family appreciate it.

Ysterday, when Mark got home from work, he asked Nate what he and Mom did all day. Nate said shit.

And that is exactly what my life as a Stay-at-Home Mom is like.

I stay home all day and do shit.

Such a good shitter.

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Comments:


OMG. Laughing hysterically.

My husband isn't fond of this blogging thing, but your is always one I read to him, you make us laugh and you are a GREAT writer.

Bookmarking this one to read to him for sure.
Posted by Blogger Donna :  September 17, 2008
 

Gosh, I miss catching up with you...I gotta s(h)it down with my bloglines more often!

Too funny!

Sorry to hear about Nate battling the sick bugs! Glad to hear he's getting better, gosh, my heart and mind would have been racing. The one thing I hate more than anything is the look of fear on my children's faces, and knowing there is nothing you can do but comfort them! Well done, mama!
 

I think the indignant look on his face shez it all.
Posted by Anonymous ame i. :  September 17, 2008
 

That has to be the best post I've read in a really long time! LOL! Thanks for making me laugh. :-)
-B Moody
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  September 17, 2008
 

I had to read the part about s(h)itting on the bed twice before I caught on. I'm slow, but - damn! - you're awesome!
Posted by Anonymous Fawn :  September 17, 2008
 

I knew what you meant right away because Andrew used to tell our dog to shit too. Has Nate learned to say truck yet? Andrew used to enjoy sitting on the porch and pointing out every car that drove by. "Look! A cahhh. Look! A fuck. Look! A momopsycho!"
Posted by Blogger Julia :  September 17, 2008
 

That is such a fantastic post Karla ~ I am s(h)itting here laughing away to myself ~ thanks for cheering up my evening!!
love and hugs XXXXX
Posted by Blogger Tabitha :  September 17, 2008
 

I love when kids mispronounce things... its like a little indulgence of improper words... but because they dont know anybetter its cute.
Posted by Blogger Tachaé :  September 17, 2008
 

Believe it or not... this post made my day. This is the most I have laughed all day! I love your humor!
Posted by Blogger Beth :  September 17, 2008
 

"I stay home all day and do shit."

That's the best line ever!
Posted by Anonymous Susan :  September 17, 2008
 

I love you!
Posted by Blogger Christi :  September 18, 2008
 

Hilarious... totally made my day!
 

Great Post. Love the picture Samson.
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  September 18, 2008
 

lol, I love it. Eli's little friend next door was names Tucker. you can imagine the joy I had when he yelled across the grocery to his friend, hey, Fucker!

I was so, so, red, but laughing. His mom was too, thank goodness! Sometimes, you don't even want to correct them...
Posted by Anonymous Shannon :  September 18, 2008
 

OMG! I absolutely love you! You are toooo funny....
You truly are one of the most talented human beings I have ever had the pleasure of "knowing". This blog of humor must mean Nate is getting better which is a relief to us all :)
Posted by Anonymous Shayna L Murray :  September 18, 2008
 


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