untanglingknots.com: May 2006

by Karla ° Wednesday, May 31, 2006

My dog Samson has officially grown big enough to overtake me.

Our trainer warned us that puppies can turn into raucously awkward teenage rapscallions when they turn six months of age, but I had no idea my stubborn dog would transform into a bulldozing renegade.

To set the scene.

Seminal Arbitrator (me): 110 lbs of girlish wimp

Bludgeoning beast (Samson): 55 lbs of cavorting canine goofball (with a veterinarian certified best guess of 90 lbs fully grown).

He can literally drag me down the street like a tattered ragamuffin.

Which is my fault. I’ve babied him.

He had an abysmal disklike for his Gentle Leader, and practically clawed his own eyes out to get it off. Being the pushover that I am, I gave in and let him have his way not knowing that in a few months time, it would be him having his way with me.

And so the story goes, my new normal is a lunatic limb dislocating leash lunging mutt who has grown to the perfect height for administer dangerously painful crotch pokes with his herculean head, and smashingly quick table clearing swoops with his hypersonically swift tail.

That, and monstrous pregnancy zits that make me want to hide in my pillowcase for the next seven months.

Labels: Pregnancy, Samson

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Third Time's a Charm...we hope....

by Karla ° Monday, May 29, 2006

With much joy and profound hope, Mark and I would like to announce that we are expecting once again.

The decision to try again after losing Ava was nothing short of difficult and experiencing a miscarriage 10 months later put our fears and sadness to the ultimate test. Unanswered questions, inability for the medical profession to guarantee and healthy outcome and personal feelings of defeat and trepidation meant finding a courage we never we knew we had to embark on a pregnancy journey that we now know all too well, might result in the loss of another child. After the initial shock of our recent miscarriage, the heaviness weighing down our hearts started to lift and the decision became clear. The end result, a beautiful child to love and nurture, far outweighed everything else.

This pregnancy has already been a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. Gone is the innocence and naivety of pregnancy. Ramped is the fear and anxiety we feel with every waking moment. Although we are elated that we have been blessed with another child so quickly, it’s hard not too have some contradictory emotions as the sadness and grief from losing Ava is still very raw and still very strong. Yet, we do remain hopeful.

Knowing Ava will never meet her new little brother or sister tugs deeply at our hearts. Ava was a presence in our life that can never be replaced or forgotten and if we have learned one important lesson from losing Ava, it is how frail and precious life is. I truly enjoyed my first pregnancy, and treasure the bond that was undeniably formed while Ava grew, wiggled and squirmed her way into my heart during the nine months she was inside of me. It is those happy memories and that special connection that will see us through and keep our spirits in high hopes while waiting for the arrival of our baby this Christmas.

Under most circumstances, we would welcome the warm congratulations that generally follow when a couple announces they are pregnant, but right now, we feel far too vulnerable for joyous celebrations and bubbly anticipation. We do welcome any positive thoughts of encouragement and support during this emotional time.

Our hearts remain heavy with hope.

Labels: Grief and Loss, Pregnancy