Warehouse Hanky Panky
by Karla ° Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Dear Costco

I called your 800 number to find out if a product that is on sale on your website is available in stores, and imagine my surprise when I was greeted on the phone by a throaty woman who called me Sexy. I thought, gee, that’s different. But maybe Sexy is the new sweetheart. And who doesn’t like to be Sexy.

But then she welcomed me to an exciting new way to go live, one on one, with local students and housewives. For a minute, I was stoked and thought that I might be getting a special invitation to the local debate club or something. So while I waited for further information about this unique opportunity she went on to tell me that I should lay back and relax and let hot girls talk nasty to me for $1.99 minute. And for a second, I thought it sounded like a good idea, cause you know, I’m pretty open minded and liberal and if they have something to get off their chest, I don’t mind listening. But then someone started moaning in the background and that’s when things got sort of fishy and uncomfortable.

So I hung up and redialed. The same girl answered and called me Sexy again and then I realized that I was calling a phone sex line and it brought back memories of all the trouble I got into the last time I dialed one of those pay numbers. When I was little, I had the most serious little girl crush on Michael Jackson and Hulk Hogan and I couldn’t decide who I wanted as my boyfriend so to help me make up my mind, I called the Hulk Hogan hotline sixteen times in a row to ask him if he liked me. And would you believe after all that calling, I never actually got to talk to him in person. And to make matters worse, when my mom got the phone bill, I got a big spanking.

Something tells me the people on the other end of that phone number I dialed today would like to spank me too, but I’m still not done mourning the fact that Hulk Hogan never wanted to be my boyfriend. So while I relive all that painful rejection of my childhood past, perhaps you should consider changing your phone number so that if a customer dials 1-800 instead of 1-888, they don’t get the wrong idea about what kind of image you are trying to sell behind those warehouse walls.

Signed - your best sampler,


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Ya...I've come across that type of thing before...I'm sure they plan it so they can try to lure people in when they call them by mistake when they are expecting to reach Costco, or whoever...fart smuckers! At least it makes for a fun story!
Posted by Blogger Cate :  April 24, 2007

Hilarious...that is too funny!

We have Costcoin the US too and I love it!!!
Posted by Blogger Donna :  April 24, 2007

Very funny. I love the Hulk Hogan story - I bet you don't want him to be your boyfriend anymore.
Posted by Blogger Christy :  April 24, 2007

Posted by Blogger Poppy :  April 24, 2007

Too funny!!

Back in the day, my "Hulk Hogan" was New Kids on the Block. NKOTB for those who knew them intimately. I had NKOTB posters all over my pre-teeny-bopper bedroom wall, and one day, while daydreaming in my room and staring longingly at the face of Jordan Knight, I noticed some fine print at the bottom of the poster.

What luck!! A NKOTB hotline! Where I could talk to the loves of my life! So I dialed. Got a recording. Dialed again. Another recording, different New Kids' voice. And again, and again and well...you get the point.

I was grounded for 2 weeks when my parents got the phone bill. But seriously? How was I to know at age 10 that one minute of listening = like $5??? What a crock.

Posted by Blogger Megan :  April 25, 2007

You really can get everything at Costco!
Posted by Blogger delphi :  April 25, 2007

Aha, you temptress. You lull us into a dreamy trance with oyur pictures of your beautiful baby and the tender videos your husband makes and then BOOM. You shift gears with the speed and precision of a fine european sports car and you whiz past us with a hilarious tale of everyday life with a slight twist. You effin rock. Thank you for the true laughter.

By the way, the word verify down below (snort, down below, get it, down below) had "s" and "m" tucked in the middle...(tucked, snort). Oh my god I am killing myself with the gutter phone sex parallels.
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  April 25, 2007

OMG, you crack my shit right up! I had to read this one to hubs to share in the laughter!
Posted by Blogger Finelly :  April 26, 2007

Funny Karla!
Posted by Blogger Gina :  April 26, 2007

If you ever try to access the White House web page, remember it's .GOV, NOT .com.

this is especially handy information to have at work.
Posted by Blogger methatiam :  April 26, 2007

yeah and the best bit is you redialled. Just, you know, to be sure.
Posted by Blogger theotherbear :  April 27, 2007


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