When Machines Die
by Karla ° Monday, August 27, 2007
When I finally got around to attempting vacuuming last week, my trusty upright bit the dust.

Or is it blew the dust?

Suddenly, after a few back and forth sweeps across the carpet, a whole new pet assembled and appeared right before my eyes. It was like a super duper transformer pet made with a little bit of cat fur and a little bit of dog fur and a whole lot of dust with a few scraps of kibble thrown in the mix. There was even a heartbeat.

And I kid you not, it even spoke to me. It said, “Pet me! Feed me! Clean my poo!”

My vacuum died. Just like that. It lost all its suction power and reverse sprayed its contents back onto the carpet it was supposed to be cleaning.

When Mark got home from work, I had him take a look at the vacuum because I am not good with things that have motors and moving parts. Or come with a manual. Maybe I had accidentally hit a button that switched the vacuum from suck to blow and because I never read the manual, I didn’t know how to fix it.

After some very serious poking and prodding and experimental button pushing and examining under the hood, he was not to locate the blow option anywhere. Too bad.

We really can’t be without a vacuum. Nate is becoming more mobile everyday and although he can’t exactly crawl yet, he still manages to wiggle and squirm his way to where he wants to be and not keeping up with the vacuuming means that his face is only six inches away from a mouthful of Samson fur. Not to mention the fistfuls of hair he manages to collect in his hands, which by default, also means in his mouth.

So, yesterday we bought a new vacuum.

It was the most anticlimactic and boring purchase I have ever made.

We decided on a canister vacuum this time around. Because really, what housewife doesn’t want to drag around something that looks like a ball and chain around her ankles.

When we got home, I decided to try my new excuse for not having an excuse not to vacuum anymore and I think it would be fair to say that I have probably spent the last few months making pretty lines on my carpet while my old vacuum died a slow and painless death.

I filled the canister four times vacuuming my house with the new vacuum.

And now my ceilings are taller.

Go ahead, I can handle it.

A collective “EWW” is a perfectly acceptable response.


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yeah so i have one of the dyson vacuums with a see through canister. and just for funsies some days i like to vacuum each room seperatly to see just how dirty each room is. Then i go around the edges with that attachment thingy just to see how dirty those are...then I take a valium, get really drunk and forget the whole thing ever happened

I am jealous of the canister vac. I want one and keep trying to kill the upright that we *just* bought. It's not going well. But when we got the new one, I vacuumed the living room and filled it up - twice. In a house we had lived in for about month. EEWW.
Posted by Anonymous Daren :  August 27, 2007

Ok, thank GOD my canister is not as huge as a dyson canister. Because then I would have to hide in shame.
Posted by Blogger karla :  August 27, 2007

I recently rearranged the furniture in my daughter's room and found out once and for all where the term 'dust bunnies' came from. There was an entire litter of them up against the wall, the whole length of her bed. Oops. Guess it's recommended to move the furniture around once and a while to prevent those bunnies from appearing. Her bed had not been moved since it was placed there---three and a half years ago! Talk about EWWW!
Posted by Anonymous Colleen :  August 27, 2007

I want a new vacuum! What kind did you get? Mine only works intermittently so we are in the market for a new one, although we have no money.

I'd hesitate if I had to pick between Sean and my Dyson.
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  August 27, 2007

Hey Amanda

I didn't want to spend a lot of money, so we went with this dirt devil (http://www.dirtdevil.com/Products/productDetail.aspx?id=70248) from costco for a reasonably frugal price of $119.
Posted by Blogger karla :  August 27, 2007

Oh we saw the Dyson and I was totally skeptical if it was worth all all that money.

I'm guessing that perhaps if it is on par with a husband, that it is?
Posted by Blogger karla :  August 27, 2007

A couple of years ago (when we still had all of our cats) our old vacuum broke, so we got a big honkin' Hoover Windtunnel with HEPA and the whole shebang. We tried it when we got home...I filled the canister vacuuming just the front hallway...that's right...FILLED IT! You could actually see the line when I had stopped vacuuming, and the difference in colour, since most of our cats were dark haired. It was disgusting.

Thank God that happened BEFORE I had kids! We ended up ripping the carpet up shortly after and installing laminate!
Posted by Blogger Cate :  August 27, 2007

if it was legal i would marry my dyson!!!!


Have you ever tried steam cleaning and then looking at the sludge it picks up? That's pretty nasty.
Posted by Blogger Julia :  August 27, 2007

Arggh! I hate buying vacuums. And it seems like we're buying a new vacuum every couple of years. In fact, we've got one dying as we speak so I'll probably be vacuum shopping again sometime soon.
Posted by Blogger Kate :  August 27, 2007

I know what you mean. I knew my old vac was dying, but I tried to make it work. That is, until I had to go over the same bit of pet fur seven times and it still didn't pick up. We just bought a new one a couple of weeks ago and holy cow! It looked like the carpet was steam cleaned. Gross and also awesome.
Posted by Anonymous Olivia :  August 28, 2007

I dream about having a Dyson. Seriously. My vacuum cleaner is pathetic. I think it just lifts stuff and flings it somewhere else. If I have the shades open while I'm vacuuming, the dust that is thrown up is visible EVERYWHERE. It's disgusting.

Oh, could someone please tell SHAYNA MURRAY that typing in all caps is SHOUTING! Thank you.
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  August 28, 2007

I actually love canister vacuums. So much easier than uprights, and they hold more.
Posted by Blogger Gina :  August 28, 2007

Years ago we bought a Kirby, spent $1200.00 on that vacuum. That's a lot of moolah but the salesman was that convincing. We were confident that the vacuum and the carpet cleaner were keeping our carpets very, very clean.

At Christmas time this past year our Kirby bit the dust. It had given us 14 years of service but I'd begun to doubt it's cleaning powers after we used my mother in laws brand new carpet cleaner and it took THREE times before the water we were dumping was slightly dirty and not black. This was in our new house of 10 yrs. that had carpet that no one but us had ever walked on and only been vacuumed with the Kirby.

I decided to give the Dyson a try after reading reviews at eopinion.com. We came home and I immediately began to test it out. I dumped the canister 5 times just running the vacuum in our living room and our bedroom!! It was shocking and disgusting to see how much filth was in our carpets! All I could think of was our granddaughter and all the time she'd spent laying on, crawling on and playing on that nastiness...ewwwwwwww.

So yeah, Dyson's are expensive...but in my humble opinion well, well worth the money. Especially if you have pets that shed like dogs and cats.
Posted by Blogger Poppy :  August 30, 2007

Also a lover of the Dyson....

And we got ours for a STEAL at Best Buy.. a steal that others can duplicate! every 6 months or so the local Best Buy has a half off vacuum sale! and FLOOR MODELS ( which was what we purchased) are discounted an ADDITIONAL 20%. So Yah. We got a deal.

But after using it just once, I'd have paid full price. And we're poor. It is THAT worth it. I've used Kirby's ( good,but HEAVY!) and Rainbows ( Nice, but pain in the ass!) and the Dyson, hands down in every category, wins.
Posted by Anonymous Reader :  September 04, 2007


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