MomBot 2000™
by Karla ° Friday, August 22, 2008
This is an analytical program summary of MomBot 2000™.

MomBot 2000™ runs on coffee and bagels and is the Chief Executive Cleaner Upper of Colourful Plastic Toys in a humble suburban home specializing in the mass consumption of caffeine, production of mountainous piles of smelly diapers and safeguarding and maintenance of a busy toddler.

MomBot 2000™ comes pre-programmed with bionic eyes in the back on her head and several typical maternal sentences, including “blah blah blah did you poop?” and “ blah blah blah is it bedtime yet?” Also, if the right combination of buttons are pushed, like, say, the discovery of yet another pair of haphazardly tossed socks on the floor, MomBot 2000™ is capable of barking gravel-voiced commands of laundry weary frustration.

Furthermore, the speed with which MomBot 2000™ washes socks is directly proportional to the speed with which said socks appear INSIDE the laundry hamper.

MomBot 2000™ has several known software glitches including, but not limited to: mastering the labour intensive task of pre-heating an oven, opening a box and not burning store bought pizza as well as the effective decluttering of toys from an infinitely cluttered floor.

Inside the MomBot 2000™ unit is a collection of delicately balanced chambers, each filled with undying love and devotion for the offspring of which MomBot 2000™ has produced. It takes but a fleeting moment of passion to manufacture said offspring, and a lifetime of selfless dedication to foster and guide their development. The quantum physics of energy required to fulfill these duties occasionally results in the emission of a small amount of hormonal data externalization known as PMS. A mere haphazardly tossed man sock is enough to upset this delicate balance of hormones and send MomBot 2000™ to the fucking moon. PLEASE RESPECT THE DELICATE HORMONAL BALANCE OF MOMBOT 2000™ AND PICK UP YOUR SOCKS ALREADY!

All of MomBot 2000™’s components are indestructible and guaranteed for the life of the unit, but once this unit turns 40, it cannot be traded in for two 20’s. We are sorry, but MomBot 2000™’s warranty and perky boobs expired the day she dedicated her body to gestating offspring. Should a replacement part be required, please be prepared to spend the next several nights on the sofa.

Feel free to attach an intravenous wine drip to MomBot 2000™ at any time for optimal relaxation and increased sexy time opportunities.

In conclusion, MomBot 2000™ is a solid mechanism that works tirelessly to create a warm and loving environment for her family and nothing can keep this machine from performing its main function; and that is to be the primary kisser of booboo’s and massager of man feet while maintaining her status as the most influential female figure in her offpring's life until they grow up, get married and stop returning her phone calls.

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Comments:


Absolutely Brilliant Karla ~ I totally love it!!
XXX
Posted by Blogger Tabitha :  August 22, 2008
 

Mombot 3.0 features a new upgraded toddler mechanism that allows her to say such things as;
"Because I said so"
"Don't ask why just do it"
"Do as I say and not as I do"
"STOP PISSING ON THE FLOOR"
 

Yep, a mombot 2000 lives in my house too!
Thanks for the laugh Karla :D
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  August 22, 2008
 

i laughed so hard reading this
Posted by Blogger rachael :  August 22, 2008
 

This? Totally brilliant post.
Posted by Blogger Georgia :  August 22, 2008
 

I've emailed this one to my husband to read. Too funny!
Posted by Anonymous Susan :  August 22, 2008
 

Clever!
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  August 22, 2008
 

No, no too clever. Funny stuff.....
Posted by Anonymous Connie :  August 22, 2008
 

A lady at work was trying to sell her son's lego "art" on her son's behalf, so I bought it. Then he wanted it back. Can you imagine?
(Yes, I gave it back.)
Posted by Blogger PAPATV :  August 23, 2008
 

You're hilarious.

That was awesome.

MomBot 2000 sounds like she's a nice gal. Tell her I say hi.
Posted by Blogger Alison :  August 23, 2008
 

My kids spent the whole day playing with those blocks. I love those things!
Posted by Blogger Christi :  August 23, 2008
 

I love it Karla. I love reading your blog.
Posted by Blogger Jenn :  August 26, 2008
 

OMG Karla ! That's the funniest thing Ive read in weeks! Im pretty sure you could write a show or a play around that. All the best for you all....Hope Nate's feeling better to :)...Cheers
Posted by Anonymous Charles :  September 16, 2008
 


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