by Karla ° Tuesday, February 24, 2009
I’ve been wanting to add an FAQ section to this website for a very long time, but every time I sit down and try and sort through my email to come up with, oh, let’s say the top ten list of questions I've received, I get all down because do you know how hard it is to get emails almost every single day asking how Ava died. It’s not the reminder of her that’s hard, per se, but it’s not something I can bring myself to talk about day in and day out and day in and day out and to infinity and beyond.

Since starting this website, I have received over 1000 personal emails. I wholeheartedly have read, absorbed and kept every single letter I've received; even the negative ones because someone actually cared enough about something I’ve said to take the time and reach out, and that's gotta be worth something, right? Ok, that, and I am an email packrat and never delete anything.

Sometimes it’s just a letter to say Hi! I like you! And sometimes it’s a letter saying Hi! I’m glad your baby is dead! And that hurts, it really does, but I totally get that making my life an open book over here in this small corner of the Internet opens up a whole slew of opportunities for people to scrutinize and criticize tiny details of my life. At first it was hard to read that someone thinks I'm an irresponsible parent or that only drug users lose babies, but overtime I've grown a thicker skin and it's amazing how easy it is now to shrug and say, meh, whatev.

And then there are the incredibly heart-warming letters from those who have nothing but nice things to say and kindly share tiny morsels of their life with me, or those who’ve shared in similar experiences with infant death and miscarriage, or those who have taken something away from this website, even if it was just to stop what they were doing and give their children a great big hug. Somehow, someway, knowing that my life experiences have made someone appreciate more deeply what they have, even if for a fleeting moment, makes it all just that much more bearable, you know?

So, I guess this was a very long way to get to my point. And I do have one. Pinky Swear. If I was to put up an FAQ section, what kind of questions would you like to see me to answer? Is there anything about Karla and the ever-evolving Universe that you would like to know? I only took Introduction to Philosophy in college though, so please don’t ask me how to know if a Smurf is suffocating or if vegetarians can eat animals crackers, because people, that shit is way too deep for me.

Feel free to leave a comment or email me at karla [@] untanglingknots [dot] com.


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I feel like I know most of the things I would ask, but that is probably because I am a creepy stalker who spent an entire day reading the archives on this blog and your first blog....so I guess I'll ask, do you ever crave any thing weird meat wise, like hot dogs? I'm a vegetarian and I swear every time I see someone eat a bologna sandwich I can't help but think I want bologna! No, not FAQ worthy..but still!


I followed your half marathon training very closely, and then one day you stopped. What happened?
Posted by Anonymous Susan :  February 24, 2009

Your twitter updates are hinting you are pregnant. Are you?
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  February 24, 2009

Hmm...good post! Nate is getting older. Do you plan to have anymore children?
Posted by Anonymous Brenda :  February 24, 2009

You have been through basically the worst...or just THE worst experience any parent can go through...even though I'm sure you still grieve, I would really like to know how you have pulled through, what has made you keep going to have Nate and currently raise Nate? I hope this isn't another depressing question, I just think that how you have strength should give anyone strength in all of our what seems to be small issues in comparison.
Posted by Anonymous Krystle :  February 24, 2009

Karla ~ it is just beyond me that people could ever leave such awful comments like you mentioned above ~ just beyond me!

I think that I too have gone back through almost every post on the blog (I am not a stalker promise ha ha !!) ~ I just wanted to read more ~ find out all about what had happened ~ so I could try and understand what your more recent posts related to etc!

In short ~ it is through you and mainly your youtube video of Ava (which is how I found your blog!) ~ that I ever started blogging ~ and it has been a great year ~ so thank you for being the inspiration for starting my own blog!

I will have a think of some questions and e mail them through to you!
Take care ~ love and hugs Tabitha XX

PS ~ The thick skin part......tell me about it ~ mine gets thicker every day!!!! xx
Posted by Anonymous Tabitha :  February 24, 2009

Like Misguided Mommy and Tabitha, i have also gone through your previous blog posts and you have been open. So, at the moment i can't think of a question off the top of my head!
I am sorry to hear that you have receieved some awful e-mails in the past. That's just wrong.

Oh, And i'd like to add that I'm not a mad and creepy stalker!! LOL!

Amanda x
(when i started blogging almost a year ago now, yours was the 1st blog i came across!)
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  February 24, 2009

Have you and Mark been together ever since you met? How exactly did you meet?
Posted by Blogger Heather :  February 24, 2009

I have also read through all of your archives and really enjoy your blog. It was one of the very first I read and it inspired me to start my own. It seems that this is a common thread with your readers. :)

I think of Ava often and her story has made an impact on me...helping me realize that we never know what someone else is going (gone) through.

In fact, when my baby was very ill and when the doctors told us she might die, your blog is the first place I reached out to when I went online for the first time in the hospital's parent room. I posted a quick, panicked comment(my first on any blog) truly thinking that you and your readers, if anyone, would understand the state of despair I was in and would rally with messages of strength and support.

Needless to say, I didn't receive a message from anyone. Everyone looked past my comment and continued posting their own comments. I checked back a few times sure that someone would post some sort of response, but nope.

I have since started my own blog with my daughters story and have had many great experiences with our readers. They've been just amazing and I've made some good "blogger friends". I get the odd email that is similar to my comment on your blog and can't imagine not responding to it and/or asking our readers to provide some words of support. I feel a connection with our readers and follow their stories and lives as well. Not all of them, obviously, but particularly those who are going through a difficult time.

So I suppose a couple of things that I have always wondered are...

Do you read all of the comments on your blog?
Do you read the profiles and/or blogs of your readers?
Do you ever respond to comments and connect with your readers when they have posted something of consequence?

I really don't mean for this to be an attack of ANY sort! I have just always wondered how anyone could overlook that comment...

Not exactly an FAQ kind of question, I know. :)
Posted by Blogger Kristine :  February 24, 2009

I want to hear more about the direction you are going with your photography :)
Posted by Blogger Angella :  February 24, 2009

I am as curious as the other commenters about you and Mark and your marathon training etc. But first I just want to tell you how deplorable I find it that anyone could send you messages of hate and cruelty like you described. I hope you know that whoever did that has seriously terrible karma and I hope it finds them soon. :) I had no idea you might be pregnant?! Are you?! Also, what's the weirdest question you've been asked?
Posted by Anonymous Hilary :  February 24, 2009

How in the hell can anyone say "Hi! Im glad your baby died"

it really makes you think how psychotic and helpless those people are.

Thank you for continuing to share your stories, your life and your heart with us.
Takes great courage to put it out there!

Dont worry, those critics will eat dirt.
Posted by Blogger Tachaé :  February 24, 2009

Why would someone day they were glad your baby died? I've heard you mention that before and I can't figure out why anyone would be so cruel, did I miss something?

I noticed you started a photography site right after you bought your first "real" camera. I'm curious if you had any formal training (I didn't see anything on your website)? If not, I was wondering why your starting rates are in the same range as professional photographers?
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  February 24, 2009

What happened to Dawn (Untangling Relationships)? She has been gone a long while...
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  February 24, 2009

But now you have me wondering, how DO I tell if a Smurf is suffocating? I never thought of that before.

You can just rock me to sleep tonight!
Posted by Anonymous ccr in MA :  February 24, 2009

wow! that was a good one, just to let you know I am not a stalker either. LOL I really do enjoy your page.

I`m glad that you are opening this up. Ever since reading your 25 things post I`ve been very intrigued to hear more about number 8 and 9. Number 7 has also gotten me wondering more...You are an excellent writer and I would love to hear more about these previous points!
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  March 01, 2009


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