My Purse
by Karla ° Monday, April 27, 2009
I bought a cute new outfit yesterday and because I spent over $50, the store was giving away these cute little wallets. I thought, perfect! My wallet is more ancient than the dinosaurs and I could really use a new one.

Anyway, I got home and was about to make the whole switch from old to new and then after closer examination of this new wallet I just wanted to laugh because clearly, the wallet is not designed for a woman who freely admits to being a packrat and insists carrying everything with her at all times. This “free” wallet only holds six cards and has no zipper for change. Um? Hello! I live in Canada; a country where it is not unheard of to end up with $37 and 10lbs worth of coins.

And then I thought it might be a good exercise to critically analyze why the hell my wallet and purse are on the brink of exploding and then take a picture of the chaos and blog about it because that is what bloggers do, right? We divulge really weird things about ourselves and then publish it so someone can later find your website after googling why they woke up in unexplained wet clothes in a Canadian hotel and where to find freaky pictures of nipples.

I actually recently downgraded to a slightly smaller purse that does not fit a 17 inch laptop and a stock pile of diapers, and although I think tiny little purses are stylish and cute, Dude, I just can’t manage my life in six inches or less of zippered space. Especially not if I’m carting around a bottle of hand cream half the size of the Titanic and a keychain that could choke a horse.

So, yeah, my purse. Observe the chaos that is my entire identity, random Mr. Potato head nose and all.


Pictured above is:

A keychain with keys that I have no clue what they're even used for. Also attached to my keychain is a compass. I don’t even know why I have a compass considering my phone has GPS and my van has OnStar in-vehicle security response and turn by turn navigation, but the keychain thing was free and you never know when you’ll get lost in one of those massive Wal-Mart parking lots right?.

Sunglasses.

Hair clip.

Revlon Compact Foundation.

Clinique Pore Minimizer Instant Perfector.

Loreal Morning Light eye shadow.

Eye lash curler.

Oil blotting tissues (I am almost 30 and holy hell my skin is still oilier than a pubescent teenager.)

MAC Dazzle Lash mascara.

Clinique full potential plump and shine lip gloss.

Viva La Juicy hand cream.

Viva La Juicy To Go

Clinique Happy travel-size perfume.

Blistex.

Earrings I took off at my friend’s house one night and dumped in my purse.

Faux snake skin 4x6 photo album to hold treasured family photos.

Yes, yes that is a massive pile of Costco and Wal-Mart receipts.

A five dollar bill and $12.08 in change.

A Toronto subway token.

Bellagio, Mandalay Bay and two BIC pens.

Mr. Potato Head nose.

Unpaid Water and Gas Bills, Nate’s daily report card of activities from daycare.

A Lottery ticket I never checked. I’m probably millionaire and I don’t even know it.

Nathan and my library cards.

Three pre-paid photo development cards, two for three hundred 4x6 prints and one for ten 8x10’s. I lost my pre-paid 5x7 card.

MasterCard.

Bank card.

HBC Rewards card (which is totally useless because it takes half a century to get a bagel cutter and bagels come pre-cut now anyway.)

Boston Pizza gift card, which Mark and I conveniently used to imbibe in some thirst quenching beer on a sun-filled patio. I think there is like, $6.00 left.

Bulk Barn gift card. Hello yummy hard whole wheat flour and weekly wheat germ-infused homemade pizza crust tradition.

Social Insurance Number.

Health Card. I’m pretty sure I’m the last Canadian to update to the new photo identity health cards, but meh, I can’t be bothered to go and get my photo taken every five years. Kind of like I couldn’t be bothered to legally change my name when I got married and just “assumed” the name Cadeau. My health card is still under Karla McDonald and it confuses the hell out everyone when I get a prescription for Karla McDonald and then fill it for Karla Cadeau.

Sun Life health insurance benefits.

Costco. Oh how I loathe the insanity that is chaos of mile long check out line ups.

Nathan’s health card.

Nathans Social Insurance Number card.

Nathan’s Pediatrician’s business card.

Sippy cup.

Spill-proof snack cup.

Nathan’s asthma puffer.

Nathan’s Aero Chamber.

A Go Diego Go! Pull Up.

Baby wipes.

Two boxes of raisins.

A bundle of Kleenex to wipe a perpetually runny toddler nose.

Medication.

Free sample of hand cream.

Business cards for my Investment Advisor, Therapist (who, incidentally, thinks I am an extremely “private” person which totally made me smirk because I have a very non-private blog where talk about my boobs and post pictures of me in clothes from when I was ten years old.

A business card for Professional Doggie Duty Services! I was thisclose to calling them pick up my dog’s shit thank you very much.

Once Upon a Child frequent shopper card. I buy all of my kid’s clothes second hand. Also, my marketing with this company has driven clients to my photography business.

14 million trillion business cards from people I don’t know.

$50.00 in East Side Mario’s gift cards – one of my favourite restaurants. Yeah, I'm a pretty simple girl and can never get enough endless bowls of spicy pasta, salad and buttery bread.

United States calling card. Hi Angie!

Suzy Shier Prestige Card, which sounds all pretentious but it’s really just a measly 10% off all your purchases.

HTC Touch Pro phone. I know the iPhone is totally all the rage, but I’m a windows kind of chick and prefer this phone.

Karla Cadeau Photography
business cards and card holder case. The case also holds the business card of my brother who I never get to see anymore because a) he never calls and b) he is going through a horribly difficult divorce.

The pink rosary that a stranger placed in my hands when I was miscarrying my second pregnancy and never leave the house without.

Ontario driver’s license, horrible mug shot and all.

Wal-Mart stickers. Enough said.

A card from the SickKids Foundation, one of the worlds most research-intensive and respected paediatric hospital and academic health sciences centres acknowledging a very generous donation in memory of Ava Marie Cadeau from my wonderful friends Beth and her husband. Every year since Ava passed away, Beth donates in her honour.

And that is pretty much my entire identity right there, eight pounds worth of leaky sippy cups, endless receipts piles and Go Diego Go! Pull Ups. I would say all that's really missing is the kitchen sink but I'm too lazy to actually wash dishes so I think a dishwasher would be more appropriate.

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Comments:


When I seen that picture I thought OMG how did Karla get a picture of the contents of my "purse". Upon closer inspection I realized that it couldn't be my purse because I don't have juicy, we're still in Pampers size 5 and there are no stray tampons that have fallen out of their wrappers in the pile!
Posted by Anonymous Colleen :  April 27, 2009
 

I kept waiting for the list to end...and it seemingly never did! Now I'm tempted to go through mine, which is in dire need of a cleanout, and see what I've got shoved in!
Posted by Blogger Christi :  April 27, 2009
 

Oh holy crap. Your purse totally kicks my purse's ass!
 

Ummm... te faltan los tampones...
Posted by Anonymous Susana :  April 27, 2009
 

I still have an old health card with my maiden name on it. Very annoying, but WILL NOT SWITCH.

I gave up a purse a long time ago, and now put my bank card and credit card in my pocket. That's my new purse. I have enough to carry (24lb kid + accessories)
Posted by Anonymous Beth :  April 27, 2009
 

How did you fit all that in there? I can totally relate to the contents. I buy purses based on the number of pockets that could hold a sippy cup. One thing that works for me now is to put all the cosmetics together in a little cosmetic bag, or even a ziploc. It makes switching bags much easier. Way to bare it all! :)
 

Looks a lot like the inside of my purse, random toys and all only you'll find loose tampons in mine.
Posted by Blogger Cheryl :  April 27, 2009
 

Too funny. I've been on the look out for a new purse, but I, too, carry a lot of stuff. I have this need to be prepared for anything and everything. I carry a diaper bag, too. I just can't figure out how to carry less! And yes, I've blogged about it....LOL!
http://the-carson-family.blogspot.com/2007/11/cat-is-out-of-bag.html
Posted by Blogger Candi :  April 27, 2009
 

Do you know how to use the compass? I constantly clean out my purse because I can never figure out why it weighs so much.
Posted by Anonymous Ang :  April 28, 2009
 

That's impressive Karla!
And i thought i carried a lot of shit around in my bag!!
Tee-Hee!
l,
Amanda x
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  April 28, 2009
 

Hey Ang, Yup yup. Am a compass whiz, and totally think the fact that I can't set the magnetic declination on this little keychain one is lame.
Posted by Blogger karla :  April 28, 2009
 

I too have a million diapers in every purse, laptop bag, backpack, and tote. It's THE fashion accessory of the year.
 

Goodness ~ how on earth did you fit all that in there and how did you actually carry it ha ha !!
Mind you ~ I can't talk ~ my friend calls my bag 'an army survival kit'!!
Love and hugs Tab XXXX
Posted by Blogger Tabitha :  April 28, 2009
 

ALL of that fit into that little black purse? Is that a magic purse or something? Because, that is impressive!
Posted by Anonymous stephanie jackson :  April 29, 2009
 


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