| Pancake Syndrome |
Since Nate has been sleeping through the night, I have been sleeping through the night. Which means that I have been feeling much less tired. Invigorated in fact. So invigorated, that the old familiar itch to get out and run (as in, run more often than when the moon is blue) has been yearning to get scratched.
I’ve been thinking about when I started training for my first 10km run after Ava died. Having never run before in my life, I embarked on a training mission like nothing I had ever done before. Me - Mrs. Wimpy Wimp of all Unathletic and Sedentary Wimps - started running almost every single day. Truthfully, I think that is how I coped. I ran to chase away my anger. I ran so that I could feel life pulsating through my deadened spirit once again. I ran because it felt good to be pounding away at something, even if it was only my feet against the concrete. And I ran to escape the overwhelming feeling that the Universe was collapsing and I was falling into a black hole of claustrophobic grief.
I also ran because I wanted Ava to know that her mom was capable of anything. It was truly a victorious moment for me when I crossed the finish line, alive and in one piece, on the day of the 10km charity run in her honour. I felt vibrantly alive. More complete. Strong. The precious memories of my baby girl had inspired me to push the limits of my strength and test the boundaries of my will and it awoke in me an inner vitality that I never knew I had.
I miss those feelings of abounding exuberance. And although I am slowly starting to feel that familiar zest once again, some days I have to literally carry my own two legs out of the door and spend a good part of the run grudgingly putting one foot in front of the other while I persevere through laboured breathing and will my body to delve deep for the inner tenacity that I once had. But once I get going and my feet find a comfortable rhythm with the pavement and the beat of the music in my ears, I can’t stop thinking about how darn good it feels to be fit and healthy for my family.
Because my health is one of the greatest gifts I can give to Nate.
And for Mark, he gets an ass that is not half bad after two full term pregnancies. No warranty is being made however, expressed or implied, about the state of my breasts once I’m done nursing. Last I heard, even cardio couldn’t save them from the inevitable post-nursing pancake syndrome.
Labels: Baby Nate, Boobs, Grief and Loss, In Memory of Ava, It's All About Me |
Permanent link to this entry
|
|
|
|
|
But you're still running anyway and for that you are my hero.
I know, you look amazing. Good luck with the breast situation. :)
Pancake boobs make me giggle...I do not look forward to getting pregnant for those haha!
Sounds like the running really helped you...and what an accomplishment a 10K...I can't even do a mile haha!
I'm glad you found that way of coping, such a healthy one. Unlike mine, which has consisted of a diet of Skittles, which I don't even eat all that often.
Yes, I am dealing with my anger by running. It feels good to get that high and feel strong.
As for pancake boobs, they inflate a little after a year or so. I nursed my son for 8 months and then just as I was surprised that they were coming back a little (definitely NOT as perky as before but much better than pancake), I enjoyed them for about 4 months and then I got pregnant again... Now it's back to pancake. (chest press exercises help as well)
Good luck! Running is the best therapy I know of.
You are amazing Karla. You have such a wonderfful prospective on life with baby Nate. As usual, I am so impressed. You're my hero.
Keep it up! A good runner's ass is great motivation. I still run, too. On top of its mind-clearing properties, it also burns calories so I can drink beer and eat chocolate ;)
Oh Karla ~ reading that made me (almost :P) want to get up and run now and believe me, that deserves lots of credit!!!
I hate exercising ~ I want to be fit but I find it so hard to get motivated. I was only thinking today how I need to start something and your post is another sign that I need to get off my butt!
Pancakes, mine are going to end up more like tube socks with tennis balls.
I commend you on running. I keep trying to take up running, but can't find the motivation for it to last more than a week or two.
He he im also laughing at the pancake boobs. I nursed my second son for 15 months and well after nursing two kids and the second one that long I feel mine dont have much hope. But then againe its a cool reminder to what I gave my boys. Pancake boobs are worth it to know I gave him what he needed!
Clara asked, the other day, while lying in bed early in the morning, why my boobs were flat.
Sigh.
"That's just the way they are these days, Clara-pea."
I'm certainly on the running train, you need to find yourself a race to keep you motivated. Good luck.
I remember reading about your running adventures...I was amazed and impressed by your determination. Remember to e-a-s-e back into it! I made the mistake of jumping back in to quickly...injured myself...and now I have an exercise phobia!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Recently
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Monday, July 02, 2007
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
|
|
|
|
Unknown : July 06, 2007 
