untanglingknots.com: A Recipe for a Thousand Tears

by Karla ° Sunday, October 7, 2007

The song that was so kindly written in memory of my sweet Ava has been recorded and is now online.

It’s beautiful.

The piano notes are filled with tuneful richness and resonate in harmony with the melody of Nicki’s voice. This is a song filled with whimsical elegance and heart wrenching truths and I am so honoured for this dedication.

I just wish that I could more clearly articulate how deep the impact a song dedicated to my child extends into my bereaved (and humbled) heart.

While listening to this song for the first time, clouds filled with storm and tears rolled into my head as my mind drifted to the day that Ava was born. I found myself hunched over in a heap of intensity while my eyes grew dense and heavy with moisture. Under the spell of an incognizant trance, the palm of my hand collided with the skin on my forehead in a rhythmic thump thump thump, like externalizing the pain could take away the hurt deep inside.

Unable to control an overwhelming urge to scream, I grabbed a nearby pillow and muffled my screams with its cotton edge. I screamed at the Universe for its vicious crimes of humanity and I screamed because the Universe is not capable of understanding or relenting or acknowledging the pain it inflicts.

Nate was sitting nearby on the floor and quietly playing with his toys when my muted cries caught his attention. He gazed up inquisitively, giggled briefly and then shifted his focus back to the purple and green shapes in front of him.

I gazed down at my son in all his wholesome unawareness and innocence and felt the floodgates release. My eyes must have rained a recipe of a thousand tears of happiness and pride and sorrow and anguish and humility.

Life isn’t always perfect or serene, but I have Nate. He compliments the rhythm of my soul and he is my beacon on the horizon of hope.

And although Ava is no longer with me, she has touched the hearts and lives of people in a way that I never could have dreamed of.

For someone that only lived on this earth for seven short hours, that is no small feat.

What an imprint her tiny footsteps have made.

Labels: In Memory of Ava

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Comments:

Just listened to the song Karla. Wow. What an honor. Although, I feel honored to have had you share Ava with me, with us. What a precious life.

Again, my words can't begin to express my sympathies. I can't imagine your heartbreak.

what a beautiful tribute though. My thoughts are with you. May your heart be comforted.

Posted by Dana a/k/a Sunshine : October 07, 2007

Beautiful song, beautiful daughter, beautiful son, beautiful family, thank you for allowing us to "know" Ava. My heart breaks for you and I know that no amount of words will ever make it better but again, thank you for sharing her with us. :-)

Posted by Anonymous : October 07, 2007

I could only listen to the first few notes of the song before I lost it. Ava is never very far from my mind, Karla -- indeed, she (and you) have imprinted my life irrevocably. And so many more.

Wishing you peace, friend. Your sweet Ava's short life meant so much.

Posted by Anonymous : October 08, 2007

I can't begin to imagine the pain you must feel. The thought of it is enough to send me over the edge. You are a strong woman, Karla! I truly admire you.

Posted by Candi : October 08, 2007

I am so sorry that you have had to experience such unbearable pain. What a wonderful friend to write that song. You are in my thoughts today.

Posted by Laura : October 08, 2007

She really does mean so much to us, Karla. Your beautiful angel has indeed made an impact.

I hope that through your tears, you can still feel some joy, and know that I am thinking of you today.

Posted by Gina : October 08, 2007

Beautiful

Posted by Anonymous : October 08, 2007

Absolutely amazing. She's a very gifted artist and what she's done for you is such an extraordinary gift.

Posted by Anonymous : October 09, 2007

The song is absolutely amazing, Karla. These lyrics:

dance again, here i am, silent and small
i'm making it through this each hour after all
i made you a promise i'd try not to fall
holy spirit come, holy spirit come

spoke to me so clearly.

What a beautiful tribute to your beautiful girl.

Brandie

Posted by B : October 10, 2007

Beautiful. I have no other words.

Posted by Unknown : October 10, 2007

That no one else will ever leave these footprints...she was here, and she is loved.

Posted by Anonymous : January 12, 2008

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