untanglingknots.com: 90 lb lunatic

by Karla ° Monday, August 10, 2009

Samson is as equally smart as he is crazy. It’s a strange phenomena really to have to explain to people who ring my doorbell that the batshit crazy dog whose collar I am struggling to hold onto because he is lunging like a 90 lb lunatic at the prospect of seeing another human is actually a good dog.

The thing is, there are two types of Labs out there. There are the good family oriented English Labs, and then there are the of epic dynamos of endless energy called American Labs. Which basically means we picked the wrong kind. If you have ever read Marley and Me, or saw the movie let me just say that Samson is totally Marley’s long lost American Lab brother. There is just no other explanation for their uncanny and humiliating similarities.

So, Samson is am American Lab and he is three and a half going on three months. He has the potent youthful vitality of a puppy and the majority of his brain is made of rocks with one small part reserved for intelligence. But let’s not confuse dog smarts with wisdom because I’m pretty sure if I asked Samson for advice, every answer would be to eat cheese.

Samson can do the basic dog things like sit, lay down, stand and stay. Except you can't actually speak a command to him because he only obeys sign language. True story. He’s a great running partner who heels right beside you. He can even ring a potty bell to let you know he wants back inside. All this sounds fine and good but then he went and figured out something that makes him too smart for his own good.

People, my dog has gone and figured out how to open a door. Yes that is right, Samson opens doors. Unless it has a door knob because that requires an opposable thumb and I'm still waiting for him to ask for that plastic surgery operation. But yes, he can open doors. All the main floor doors in our house have push levers, so even though he knows how to ring his potty bell to be let in from outside, he does one of two things; he either lets himself in and leaves the door open behind him, or, if the door is locked he gets up on his hind legs and pounds and scratches on the door with his front paws. And when he does that, it sends me fleeing into a fit of rage yelling “NO! Samson NO!” And you see where I’m going with this right? Who has who trained because I’m pretty sure Samson wins on that front for me locking him out in the first place.

One time we tried to teach Samson a trick called “go get me a beer Samson” which was the dumbest thing we could do really because we made it as far as getting him to tug on a towel to open the fridge but then he would head straight for the cheese and that was a very short lived attempt at teaching an old dog new tricks if we wanted to actually use our refrigerator as a place to store food.

Anyway, a few days after we moved in, Mark and I were across the street visiting the neighbours. Mark was outside talking to some people and I was inside sitting at their kitchen table while their preteen made me a pair of earrings and all of a sudden a flash of yellow fur came barreling through their front door. It took me a good five seconds to register the fact that it was Samson! My dog had just decided to let himself out of OUR house, accost and crotch poke the neighbour who lives beside us (we’ve since learned) AND THEN come bolting at the speed of light straight into the house of people whom we’d only known for like half an hour.

I was so mortified and do you think he would let me grab his collar to drag him home? Nope. I had to chase him outside, which made him think we were all having a good old game of chase the dog, so there Mark and I were, the new people in the neighbourhood trying to make a good first impression and all we managed to do was ultimately become a neighbourhood spectable while we chased our dog down the street.

At least Samson has managed to keep one consistent friend in his life.

Labels: From House to Home, Samson

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Comments:

He might be a silly 90lb lunatic, but what a cutie he is ~ I would say that it's impossible to stay annoyed with him!

Posted by Amanda : August 10, 2009

lol!!! Trust me I know alll about labs!! We had a black lab from when I was 1 until I was 11 and then at 12 my parents got Molson, a chocolate lab and Molson was just like Samson...he even ATE my Mom's fancy shmancy living room couch. He passed away a couple years ago from cardiac arrest. I think he was an American lab b/c of all the mayhem lol. But oh how their faces are just the cutest things, that's probably why we keep them lol.

Posted by Krystle : August 10, 2009

Fortunately, Nikki Dee hasn't learned to twist open the old fashioned door knobs either. But unlike Samson, she's not potty trained.

Posted by Anvilcloud : August 10, 2009

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