Earmuffs
by Karla ° Friday, January 26, 2007

Dear Gerber

Thank you for understanding that some breastfeeding mothers need nursing pads. I discovered my need for them the hard way. While standing in a check out line with a shrieking baby I noticed the clerk glancing at my boobs. I was all like, yeah dude, I'm totally rocking this new cleavage thing, glad you like it. But then we exited the store and my husband discreetly pointed out that the front of my shirt was soaked with two breast milk bull’s-eyes.

For the most part, I like your products. The easy grip baby shampoo bottles are a wonderful innovation when it comes to not dropping wet and slippery things on my baby’s head, and the Oatmeal baby lotion smells heavenly and does a great job at masking suspicious dirty diaper smells.

I am miffed however, as to why your nursing pads are made with tree bark and sawdust. They are irritating and abrasive and this is most annoying because - have you ever tried to scratch an itch on your own nipples? Didn’t think so.

I know that centuries ago before the invention of fiberglass insulation, sawdust was used to insulate homes, but my nipples aren’t cold – they are wet. Perhaps I should let the guy up the street know of your product the next time he puts his trash out – sans pants - in the middle of the winter. Maybe his nipples get cold?

I have heard that materials with natural polymers like cotton are quite the innovation when it comes to softness and dryness, but since I am a lowly consumer, you probably don’t care about my ideas. Maybe you could enlist a company spy to scope out the production line over at the JOHNSON'S® Nursing Pads factory for ideas. At least their pads have a silent, rustle free design. Your breast pads crinkle and crackle. This is most embarrassing when I lay my baby’s head against my breast and it sounds like I have stuffed my bra with shopping bags.

Additionally, the concept behind your patented LeakSafe Design™ blows. These are quite possibly the most hugeified Mother of all Nursing Pads known to mankind. I have yet to meet a woman who needs protection from leaky nipples from her belly button to her clavicle. Apparently you know of these ladies. Next time the Freak Show Circus comes to town, I will be sure to attend and see this phenomenon for myself. In the meantime, my dog is enjoying his new earmuffs.

Thank you kindly for your time.

Lactationally yours,

Karla




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Comments:


Hilarious!

(Sorry about the cashier incident though.)
Posted by Blogger Catherine :  January 26, 2007
 

HAHAHAH! This is so true!!
Posted by Blogger Melanie :  January 26, 2007
 

When I was nursing, I cut pantyliners for nursing pads. They're cheap, had adhesive so they stayed in place, were not bulky and never once seeped through.
Posted by Anonymous Diane :  January 26, 2007
 

The lansinoh ones, while more expensive, were the only ones that I found worked. And I think I tried them all, trying to be cheap.
Posted by Blogger Pink Shoes :  January 26, 2007
 

I can strongly second the recommendation for the Lansinoh pads. All of the other pads I tried (both disposable and cloth) were just awful. The Lansinoh pads worked great, were comfortable, and didn't give me the lovely "HEY! LOOKIE HERE! LACTATING BOOBIES!" circles that the Gerbers did.

(And as a bonus, most of the boxes of Lansinoh pads came with milk storage bags, which meant I never even had to buy those for the relatively small amount I was pumping.)
Posted by Anonymous Liss :  January 26, 2007
 

Too Funny. Not sure how I found your blog but I find you so down to earth and so much truth in your post, but yet you say it with so much humour. Very well put!
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 26, 2007
 

My God...I had the exact same thing happen to me! I still have an almost full box of the Gerber pads from when my first son was born...the Johnson & Johnson's are sooo much softer! Those are the ones that I stuck to, although I do agree with PinkShoes and Liss about the Lansinoh ones. I used those a couple of times when I couldn't find the J&J's.
Posted by Blogger Cate :  January 26, 2007
 

You definitely need Lansinoh ones. They were the BEST!

Funny post, though :)
Posted by Blogger rebcram :  January 26, 2007
 

Hi Karla,

I had no luck with the disposable breast pads myself , so I bought the Evenflo Clothe ones :) And loved them , they came with there own little laundry bag too:)

try them I think you'll really like them !
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 26, 2007
 

I found the Lanisoh pads scratchy and expensive, especially when you're going through them so often. (Actually, I found most Lanisoh stuff pricey and not worth the money.)

I finally settled on Johnson medium flow pads. They're ultra soft and have a little indent for your nipple. It was nice to not have it all smushed, and you can rub it down on the outside so you don't have perma-nip through your shirt.

Also Nipple Butter from Earth Mama Angel Baby (http://www.earthmamaangelbaby.com/organic_nipple_butter.html) was a life saver for ouchy nipples.

As a bonus, it's awesome on chapped skin, such as a raw nose when battling a cold.

Good luck -- you'll find your boobie faves,
C
Posted by Anonymous Carly :  January 26, 2007
 

Ohhhh. You brought back some memories for me! It sounds like they have not improved on their technology for more than 17 years (the last time I was nursing). The worst part for me was when they would stick. It was like taking a bandage off your nipples. Yowch! I tried both the "rip it off fast" and the "slow and easy" technique. I still get a shiver thinking about it.
Posted by Blogger Linda :  January 26, 2007
 

Priceless!! I hope you actually send the letter.
Posted by Anonymous Uncle Mike & Lisa :  January 26, 2007
 

Hi Karla,

I'm delurking to let you know that as much as I hate to admit it, I am one of those women who needs that LeakSafe Design. (I nursed my 2 children and am pregnant with my 3rd. For the life of me I can't remember what brand I used the first two times and was just thinking about this the other day.)

Anyhow, my point is that, other than the toe curling sore nips at the beginning, the leaking was next on my list of things I couldn't stand about nursing. You know its bad when you start wondering if you could save time pumping by simply squeezing your nursing pads out into a bottle! (Ok - so it probably wasn't that bad, but it certainly felt like it at the time!)
Posted by Anonymous Lisa :  January 26, 2007
 

Hello, I just started reading your blogg. My name is Karen. I just wanted to recomend lansinoh Disposable Breast Pads (you can get them at target or a wal-mart) they are soft and very absorbent. Not only do they work well the are bigger and cover you breast a tad better then the little ones that make it visable you are wearing a breastpad. Congrats on your sweet baby boy.

Karen
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 26, 2007
 

LOL :)
Posted by Blogger Robyn :  January 26, 2007
 

Sadly, with my first baby, I was one of those who needed protection from belly button to clavicle. She used me as a human pacifier, so my body thought it should ALWAYS be producing milk. Fortunately, with the others, I could get away with smaller cloth ones, which proved to be more comfortable and economical than the disposable ones.
Posted by Blogger Heather :  January 26, 2007
 

I certainly understand where you're coming from...I still have until April and I'm already experiencing the joy of breastpads. I used the "Lansinoh" with both pregnancies and they're so comfy and work great! Glad Samson likes his new earmuffs...Cute picture!
 

I'm thirding the Lansinoh thing. They were great for me and I never had any leaks or irritation. In fact, lot of times I couldn't even tell I was wet.
Posted by Blogger Stephanie :  January 26, 2007
 

I really laughed out loud at that one! You are too funny! I love it!

Hey, that pantyliner idea sounds pretty good. I wouldn't know, haven't had kids, but it sounds like it would work.
Posted by Blogger cinnalily :  January 26, 2007
 

LOL, that is too funny. I think I tried every brand of breast pad known to man with my kids and just gave in finally and bought the washable kind. They are soooooooo soft and comfortable. But I was also one of those who leaked tons of milk the first six weeks or so that I had to change the freaking pads every hour if not more.
Posted by Blogger Heather :  January 26, 2007
 

You can always count on me for some assvice:

One word: LilyPadz.

When you first read how they don't ALLOW leakage, you'll be all "what the?" But trust me, they rock. R. O. C. K. in the USA, I mean, CA. I went through two pairs of these babies, and I still love them. No sanitary-pad-in-the-bra look, and NO leakage.

www.lilypadz.com

Also, most online stores that carry baby stuff sell them.
Posted by Blogger Jezer :  January 26, 2007
 

I bought the Lily padz thinking they'd be great. They did keep me from leaking, except when I would nurse. If I was nursing on my left side, the right side would leak. Because the LilyPadz can't absorb, it would leak out. Another thing I didn't like...we have a cat and I sat the pad on the couch when I removed it to nurse my son. The cat hair stuck and did NOT want to come off...even after multiple sterilizations!!

I also really liked the Lansinoh. My baby is now 11 months old and I don't have leaking problems at all...so no pads for me..YAY!!

Your baby is sooo precious. He reminds me a lot of my little one...especially the "faux"hawk!!
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 26, 2007
 

My very first maternity ward stay was in December.

I remember some incredibly funky crafts hanging on the door, made from the giant variety of nursing pads.

Just in case your dog tires of the earmuffs...

Judy - Anybody Home
www.judyh58.blogpsot.com
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 26, 2007
 

God. I so remember being terrified to even go to the corner store for fear of involuntarily spritzing the shy/quiet proprieter with my mammoth milk hydrants.

The bad news is, the pads are all shit. I tried them all. The good news is, the leaking doesn't really last that long.

And also, Nate is so cute I almost want to have another. Almost. :-)
Posted by Anonymous Kristin :  January 27, 2007
 

I used a ultra thin pad cut in half, sooooooooo cheap, so absorbant, I could never see it through my bra, and anything that doesn't irritate your who who, isn't going to irritate your ta ta!
 

I have to admit it, the leaking thing sucked. I had to change pads like every hour, sometimes more! I can't remember which brand I used, I think it was the same ones you have pictured, but they didn't really absorb as well as I thought they should. It will get better. I had to wear pads until we got into a really good feeding schedule, a few months, and also at night after they started sleeping all the way through. It's no fun waking up in wet sheets, let me tell you!
Posted by Blogger Jules :  January 27, 2007
 

I wasn't able to breastfeed (we think now because of my thyroid condition, possibly, which contributes to lack of milk production) so no tips from me. :(

But I have to say that the pantiliner thing sounds very intriguing. And fairly cheap.
Posted by Blogger Gina :  January 27, 2007
 

Karla,

You make me laugh out loud!!

Hugs from Ohio!
Posted by Anonymous Beth :  January 27, 2007
 

Sorry I'm laughing here at your expense, but HAHAHAHAHA!

That is so true and just a pain in the butt about nursing! I had letdown whenever I heard ANY baby cry within a 5 mile radius whether it was my baby or not.

In all seriousness, have you tried the Avent brand? I found them to be okay.
Posted by Blogger Kate :  January 27, 2007
 

I seriously laugh out loud when I read your posts!! Thanks for the comic relief.
Posted by Anonymous beth :  January 28, 2007
 

Best post ever.
Posted by Blogger Kurt :  January 29, 2007
 


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