So Tired
by Karla ° Thursday, February 1, 2007
In an effort to stay alert so he doesn't start asking his clients if their bum made a stinky, Mark has officially jumped ship to sleep in another room. Thankfully, no one can fire me when sleep deprived delusions kick in and I wake up in the middle of the night frantically digging in my bed sheets looking for a baby. Eventually I realized that he was asleep in his bassinet, but that wasn’t until my heart was flung from the protective cavity of my chest and left dangling on the edge of hysteria and cardiac arrest.

I need to sleep more. I know that. But when the baby sleeps and Mark is gone during the day, I can’t.

Instead I do crazy things like eat, and bathe and empty my bladder. And I worry about Nate. Still.

And just when the tears of painful tiredness start to well in my eyes, my perennial cutie will do something like this and make the fog I'm currently living in all worthwhile.

First smile caught on film.

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WOW! What a cutie ... a nice blend of mom and pop both ...
we're thrilled that things are going great for the whole posse ( ...sleep? it's overated!). Love to meet the little tyke when mom and pop are feeling up to it
:-) ...Also, glad to hear you'll be sticking around fair Ontario ... at least for a little while longer

T and Nina
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  February 01, 2007

Oh that pic is precious! I absolutely love his hair!! I hope that you can get some decent sleep soon!
Posted by Blogger Amber :  February 01, 2007

He is one CUTE fella!
SOuthern Belle
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  February 01, 2007

He is SUCH a cutie! I hope you get some sleep soon. Are you at least doing the smart thing and sleeping during the day when he does? Don't be a martyr and think that you have to clean the house when he sleeps!
Posted by Blogger Heather :  February 01, 2007


I know it's hard, but do try to sleep when he does.
Posted by Blogger Gina :  February 01, 2007

I was the same way. I couldn't sleep. I felt like that was the only time I could get anything done...and I wanted to be able to watch over him. Just try to get some whenever you can. Take care of yourself.

Isn't the first smile pretty much the greatest thing ever. One of the best things about being a parent is that, they continue to amaze you. You will think his smiles are the best...and then he starts to laugh...and then he starts to sit just keeps getting better!

Posted by Blogger Cate :  February 01, 2007

totally worth it Karla, Soon enough you will all be getting sleep again!

Oh what a sweetheart!
Posted by Blogger TBG :  February 01, 2007


Nate is perfect..
I have to agree with Cate, they never stop amazing you, ever...
My friend's little boy just starting laughing, talk about the best thing EVER!! It is just contagious..and you can't help but have a wide smile and laugh along with them. It is beautiful..

Hugs from Ohio!
Posted by Anonymous Beth :  February 01, 2007

Wow! It's so hard to catch those first grins on film. He has your smile!!

Have you talked to anyone about worry and lack of sleep? I mean, besides the Internets ;) It's understandable that yo would worry after what you've been through, but maybe you don't have to feel an anxious and tired as you do. If you lived nearby, I'd offer to watch him while you napped...surely you can find sometime to do that once in awhile? Trust me, things start looking surreal when that sleep deprivation builds up and you worry even more then. Hugs to you, you are obviosly doing a fabulous job!
Posted by Anonymous DebbieS :  February 01, 2007

Sleep when they sleep is a lie. I never slept or just when I did someone would call to see how we were doing. I think the first 6-8 weeks are the roughest--not that it gets easier after that but my daughter started sleeping longer stretches then (4-6 hours).
Posted by Anonymous Mandy :  February 01, 2007

Ahhh, makes me smile just to look at this picture. Too cute!

You will sleep again, and feel rested once more! You will! Honest! Hang in there.
Posted by Blogger Cuppa :  February 01, 2007

EVERYONE said sleep when they do, and I couldn't. It was my one little piece of freedom - have a coffee, pat the dog, put my feet up, normal things but without a newborn attached to me. It's such a hard time, that beginning time. And they also tell you it'll get better - and it does, it really does, after that initial intense crazy bit, but it seems like it's forever to get there. I don't miss that time myself, so I am glad you are finding some bliss amongst the tears.

God do I remember those days. I can remember waking up so fast thinking I was still holding Ethan in my hands when in fact he was sleeping in his bassinet. I hated that.
I do find that once Ethan was sleeping in his own room and in his crib. I slept a lot better. I wasn't always waking up at every move he made.

I too always found it hard to sleep when the baby slept in the day but I did after a while just stop what I was doing and did lay down. You need every little moment you can get.

Karla, he is changing so quickly. He is so cute. I just love his cheeks.
Posted by Blogger Tammy :  February 01, 2007

Seperate bedrooms??? No matter how much of a cutie your son is, that tought alone is scaring me away from having kids.
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  February 01, 2007

He is so adorable!
I used to search for our daughters in our bed ALL. THE. TIME. when they were small. I could hear the baby crying but my body was so desperate for sleep that it would convince me that the baby was right there. My poor hubby would often have to wake me up properly or go get her for me. It does get better, it really does.
Posted by Blogger Robyn :  February 01, 2007

If you're able, ask a neighbor, friend, or relative to come over for just a couple of hours to help clean up a bit. I know that may seem rude, but most people are thrilled to help out when there's a new baby and they're just looking for an opportunity to be helpful. Then, with the house tidy, maybe you would be able to sleep when he sleeps. Also? When hubby is home, he should help out till bedtime. Housework is a daunting task with a newborn, you simply must enlist help! And FORCE yourself to sleep when HE sleeps! Oh, honey, I hope you get to feeling better soon!
Posted by Blogger Jules :  February 02, 2007

What a wonderful, Gerber baby face. I remember falling asleep in the rocking chair in my son's room, waking up and panicking that I had somehow let him roll off my lap. If I wasn't sleeping in the chair, I was sleeping on the floor next to his crib...I was so worried something bad was going to happen to him. This went on for 5 months until my husband had had enough and just moved his crib into our room. :D
Posted by Blogger MrsGrumpy :  February 02, 2007

It is a rough time! But soon it won't be that bad, you will adjust. You will never stop worrying, like we've all talked about. Hopefully he will be on a schedule soon, that is a huge relief, and my best advice. If your baby is on a schedule you are both happier!
Posted by Blogger Donna :  February 02, 2007

Sounds like everything is quite "normal" in your life. I worried far too much about my babies when they were little. Seems a hard thing not to do.

He is awfully cute!
Posted by Blogger Linda :  February 02, 2007


too cute
Posted by Blogger rachael :  February 02, 2007

Oh my gosh, he's just absolutely adorable! Aren't those little moments, during your hectic day, all worth it?! I love that.

you know what? One night when my first baby was about 6 weeks old I dreamt that my husband was sleeping on top of the baby, I was frantic, I reached under husband, grabbed the 'baby's leg' and pulled, really hard, with all my might, to get him out, save him.....the baby was in his crib, the leg I was pulling? OUCH. The husband chose to sleep elsewhere too. It's usually for the best! May you get sleep soon. Nate is just divine.

He is so adorable. I feel for you on the no sleep thing...that was the hardest part for when you can...and don't do the unnecessary stuff like emptying your bladder - wear Depends! ha ha just kidding. Seriously though - try to rest when Nate does.

Good Glory I used to do the same thing when my Emma was wee and fresh like that! I'd wake up at completely random hours in a panic because WHERE WAS SHE? WAS SHE ALRIGHT? And I had nothing like your history to prompt me to do it.

So, maybe it's just normal.
Golly he's a cutie!
Posted by Blogger erica :  February 02, 2007

Oh my goodness! Mark can NEVER say that baby isn't his!

Cole does the same thing. It'll finally be time for me to pass out, and what does he do, give me a big ol' smile! It's funny how you can be tired and cranky and ready to get rid of the kid, and they do that, and all is right in the world! I'm still amazed that after three kids, that alone can bring me the most happiness, over and over again all day long!

I used to wake up in a panic w/TJ like that, too...I was always so afraid I'd rolled over on him, only to realize he wasn't even in the bed!

Honestly, though, I don't know how you can't sleep when he does. I can fall asleep anytime, anywhere anymore!
Posted by Blogger Christi :  February 03, 2007

Cute smile Nate!
I hear ya on the searching for your baby in your bed in the night, so scary, but when your tired you do silly things! Here's hoping you catch some zzz's soon. We finially are at 8 months!
Posted by Blogger Kaili :  February 03, 2007

Oh! I see LOTS and LOTS of personality in that little man!

For years I could not hug my husband without patting his back. He used to look at me and say, 'do you really want ME to burp?'

No. No I don't. I just could not stop myself from doing that.

You will sleep again. Like, I'm 48 and I'm sleeping fairly well now.
Posted by Blogger Judy :  February 03, 2007

God he's beautiful Karla. The sleeping when the baby sleeps thing is a myth, I think. I could never do it either. Thinking of you.
Posted by Anonymous K :  February 03, 2007

He looks JUST LIKE Mark in that picture!!
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  February 04, 2007

hate to point out the obvious but it has been 4 days with out a picture of nater...we dont even need words just delicious baby pictures!!!


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