Making Daddy Proud
by Karla ° Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Nate shocked everyone when he was born with a wildly haphazard punk rock faux-hawk and a totally dated baby mullet. I mean, I am a child of the 80’s, but I never expected to birth a kid stuck in that era.

He also was born with red stork bite splotches between his eyes and on his eye lids that have since faded from a deep shade of crimson to a barely noticeable rosy hue that deepens only into a mean shade of red when subjected to the screams of duress from an angry baby.

Around the time Nate was three months old, he started to lose all of his dark tresses and that is when we noticed a big red splotchy mark covering a large portion of the back of his head and neck. And then a few weeks later we noticed even stranger purply-reddish splotches magically appearing all over his back.

It took multiple visits to our family doctor, a visit to paediatric dermatologist and then a visit to a dermatology research institute to figure out that my son has birthmarks. Only these birthmarks are a distant cousin of a cousin of a birthmark who once slept with a birthmark half-cousin. But still, just birthmarks.

So instead of Mark spending his Friday off work lifting my skirt and placing cold beer bottles on my ass (that was on - not up people), we spent hours upon hours in waiting rooms full of hormonally depressed teenagers and Botox ads. And because we didn’t anticipate being out so long, we were not prepared in the least with things to keep Nate entertained and spent a great deal of time reading to him about recurrent genital herpes.

Once it was determined that our child is perfectly normal, we went to pick up the family portraits that we had taken a few weeks ago. While I was in line waiting to get the photos, Nate started up a conversation with a woman standing nearby. And by conversation, I mean he reached out to try and grab her while flashing his expansive toothless grin and batting his big baby blues in a flirtatious way that only an innocent child could get away with because if he was 70, he would have been arrested by now.

This woman was, oh how can I put this, mammiferously gifted beyond belief and apparently I was not the only one who noticed her burgeoning bosom because for the love of parental awkwardness, Nate would not stop staring and reaching at her chest as if to say, "Dude, I have so hit the motherload of boob banquets and you need to loosen my diaper straps Right! This! Second! because I am so going to feast on those milk jugs."

He makes his father proud.



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Comments:


Luverly pictures. You all look bee-yootiful.

(I lurk, generally, but I love your blog. :)
Posted by Blogger jess :  July 11, 2007
 

It was cuteuntil the recurrent general herpes, then it became BRILLIANT. I delight in your infectiously wicked sense ofhumor...get it...infectiously...hehehe. Thanks as always for sweetness and sarcasm.
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  July 11, 2007
 

Gorgeous pictures!
So much better than our Wal-Mart here can do. We gave up on them and went to Loblaws - great pictures and next day service.

Yes the boys do seem to have a one tracked mind from birth!
Posted by Anonymous Wendy :  July 11, 2007
 

I love the way you write...this had me laughing right from the beginning. And of course those boys have a one track mind...he was probably dying to get near that woman!!
Posted by Blogger angie :  July 11, 2007
 

What a way to spend a day off! Glad that Nate now knows how to avoid genital herpes. Also glad the birth marks are nothing to worry about.

The family photos are absolutely gorgeous, what an incredibly handsome family you guys make.
Posted by Anonymous andrea :  July 11, 2007
 

Beautiful family pictures. Good job.
Posted by Blogger Tachaé :  July 11, 2007
 

Hilarious story, beautiful family portrait! You guys make one good lookin' family!
Posted by Anonymous Chris :  July 11, 2007
 

Great Pictures! I love your blog!
Posted by Blogger Lovebuzz38 :  July 11, 2007
 

Beautiful pictures!
Posted by Blogger Christy :  July 11, 2007
 

those pics are awesome!! Nates a typical boy with the love of boobs!! hahahaha
Posted by Blogger rachael :  July 11, 2007
 

It looks as though all your work at getting everyone ready to go only to be puked on was worth it!!

Those pictures are great!!
Posted by Blogger Candi :  July 11, 2007
 

You have a beautiful family - great pictures!

I love the story too about the "jugs"! I needed laugh.
Posted by Blogger Stephanie :  July 11, 2007
 

Uhhhh, I think Nate would like me too!

The sad thing is that although they are so big, my thyroid disease prevented me from producing any milk-so I never even got to breast feed!

Great pictures, guys!
Posted by Blogger Gina :  July 11, 2007
 

Pretty pretty! :)
Posted by Blogger aka_Meritt :  July 11, 2007
 

Oh! What a beautiful family!
Posted by Blogger Judy :  July 11, 2007
 

Did the photographer do the "Look at the bunny, Nate!" trick to get him to smile like that? Those really turned out great.
Posted by Blogger H :  July 11, 2007
 

Oh, you brought back memories of my son! He used to do the newborn, turn my head and try to nurse on any woman that picked him up. Ahhh...the embarassment of apologizing for a 10 week old who couldn't help himself. He soon grew into stealing the bottle of his younger cousin when he wasn't looking. Adorable pictures!
Posted by Blogger MrsGrumpy :  July 11, 2007
 

The 3 of you look so incredibly happy :)

Lovely pictures, Karly...just lovely.
Posted by Blogger Poppy :  July 11, 2007
 

You guys look great!
Posted by Anonymous karma :  July 11, 2007
 

CUTE CUTE CUTE!!!!
Posted by Blogger Humor Girl :  July 12, 2007
 

¡¡¡ Que familia tan deliciosa !!! Me encanta la cara de Nat en la primera foto. Está muy gracioso.
Posted by Anonymous Susana :  July 12, 2007
 

My sons love boobs, too. Strangely, though, they didn't get the same nursing experiences as Nate has had. They think it's great to jiggle mine whenever they can reach them. I think it's a man thing. Definitely NOT my favorite thing!
Posted by Blogger Christi :  July 12, 2007
 

Beautiful pictures!

My sister is also mammarily blessed and says that whenever she whips one out to feed her son, he bursts into huge smiles and peals of laughter. Oh, the joy!
Posted by Anonymous Shalini :  July 12, 2007
 

What a GORGEOUS picture. You all look wonderful, and so very happy.

I am EXTREMELY mammiferously gifted. My little Aiden stares at mine in public when he's hungry like "hey mom, whip those out so I can eat". He gives a very quizzical look at small breasts though, almost like "those look like boobs but what do you do with them?" He also stares at other large breasted women and gets a huge, toothless baby grin. He definitely takes after his daddy. :-)
Posted by Blogger Brandy :  July 13, 2007
 


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