The Curse of the Kibble
by Karla ° Thursday, September 6, 2007
Every couple of months we make a trip to the pet store to stock up on kibble and kitty litter. Considering we only have two cats and one dog, the combined weight of the above is 140 pounds. That’s like the weight of one entire human in the form of nourishment and a place for my cats to bury their landmines.

Unfortunately, Samson poops in the backyard because he is shy and will not do his business in public. His introversion however, does not extend to sticking his nose in the loins of a complete stranger.

Anyhow, we went to the pet store the other day to buy supplies for the animals. A bag of Samson’s dog food weighs 50 lbs, so when it comes to the heavy lifting, I leave it for Mark. Not because I am a wuss, but because trying to lift that much weight breaches the contract we signed when we got married stating that after spending nine months carrying the weight of his offspring on my person, I was absolved from any further heavy lifting not excluding taking out the trash and random instructions to rearrange the furniture to my liking.

We keep the pet food and kitty litter in the basement beside our chest freezer, which serves as a convenient place to house boxes of frozen pizza for all the gourmet cooking that I don’t do. The freezer sits next to our hot water tank.

When we got home, Mark brought the bag of dog food downstairs and set it on top of the freezer before heading back upstairs to get the cat food and kitty litter.

He made it part way back up the stairs when we heard a very loud BOOM. It sounded exactly like what you would expect 50 lbs worth of dog kibble to make as it pile drives into a hot water tank.

Rushing over to evaluate the damage, we discovered the enormously heavy bag of dog food had not only fallen over onto the ground, hitting the hot water tank along the way, but it had also knocked a valve. The exact same valve that will spray water spray everywhere if it gets knocked by 50 lbs of dog kibble.

Reacting, Mark grabbed the bag of dog food (which was now soaking wet) and when he picked it up, the bottom broke loose and Samson’s breakfast and dinner for the next two months poured out onto the floor. The very wet floor.

How much volume of water does 23% crude protein hold anyways? Two, three, maybe ten times it’s original weight? I guess that depends how fast we were able to shut the water off. I can assure you it was not fast enough.

We didn’t know what else to do with all the waterlogged kibble besides throw it out. I don’t know if I can adequately explain how foul wet dog food is to scoop up, arm full by mushy arm full. Even Samson turned his nose up at the soggy feast and opted instead to lick puddles on the concrete floor.

When we finished cleaning up, we put the garbage bag of sopping dog food in the garage, which is where it has been sitting until today, garbage day.

When Mark lifted the bag this morning to put it at the road, the bottom broke and a giant mass of chicken by-product and mush landed on his feet.

Hello, meet my family. We exists solely for your comic relief.

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Ugh...I usually read your blog while eating my lunch...may have to rethink that one. Poor Mark. That last line cracked me up about existing for comic enjoyment!!
Posted by Blogger TeeTee :  September 06, 2007

Mmmm, soggy kibble. Jut like the fancy wet dog food, right? Or maybe not.
Posted by Blogger jess :  September 06, 2007

What a disaster. All I can say is, "Ew." And then I laugh for about 10 minutes.
Posted by Blogger H :  September 06, 2007

Seriously, this post made me laugh out loud! I can relate to an extent because we have 2 large yellow lab/austrlian shep mixes (about 80 pounds each) and we buy their food in 44 pound bags. Once we were checking out and the bag ripped in the store. Let me just tell you, when that happens you can hear every single piece of kibble hit the floor and feel every eye in the store turn to stare at you! At least it wasn't at home though and it wasn't wet. :-) Thanks for the comic relief today!
Posted by Blogger Brandy :  September 06, 2007

Oh, ack. Of course it would go ahead and hit the valve, wouldn't it? You and I don't live in "normal" worlds where things like that don't happen. It's always the worst case scenario.
Posted by Blogger Gina :  September 06, 2007

oh no!!!

I just bought my cat his "Ocean Fish" cat food and put it in it's semi-large plastic container..I'd invest in something wet-proof! :p

When things like this happen to other people, they do seem funny.

BTW, our friends' dog won't go in the back yard. No, they have to walk her multiple times a day.

i would have cried and vomited...ugggg

Gross! Similar things have happened here... but mostly recently was the French foreign exchange student flooding the bathroom, which went through the baseboard and wall to the laundry room where it soaked the kitty litter.... and that clay like substance is less 'gross' than mushy dog food, but oh-so-much harder to clean up and impossible to get out of white carpet. LOL.

Might I suggest that you keep both dog food AND kitty litter away from the hot water AND mark? LOL.

We keep our dog food in the exact place, between the water heater and the deep freezer. While that location hasn't proven to lead to mishaps yet for us, it does remind me of a story.

We used to keep the dog food in a big plastic container in the garage. Once we found a HUGE spider in the container. We killed the spider in the wussiest fashion: pulled the hose in and drowned it. So then we had a tub full of wet kibble and dead enormous spider. We let it sit for days, festering. Finally I got it together to clean it out. SOOOO GROOOOSSSSS. That's why we now keep the dog food inside.
Posted by Blogger Eva :  September 07, 2007

That sucks. Poor Mark.
Posted by Blogger Christy :  September 07, 2007

Ewww....maybe I'm glad we don't have a dog now...

Oh, and btw, I can't continue to come here if you keep having ads of Barney all down the side of your blog. I HATE BARNEY!!!
Posted by Blogger Christi :  September 07, 2007

Hey, does everybody say "kibble", or is that just a northern word? The only time I've ever heard that word used was when it was included in the brand name Kibbles and Bits. I had to read your post just to figure out what the "kibble" was in the title!
Posted by Blogger Christi :  September 07, 2007

Ewww! I've had to scoop up wet dog food, but never 50 lbs of it!
Posted by Blogger Julia :  September 08, 2007


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