Parking Assitant
by Karla ° Tuesday, March 4, 2008
For the past eight years, I have been driving a two-door car that pretty much fits in my pocket, so I am having a bit of a hard time getting used to this extended wheelbase business.

On Sunday, Mark and I had to pretty much empty out the entire contents of our garage to make room for the van. We have what is called an “oversized” garaged. It’s not quite a single car garage and not quite a double car garage. Basically, this means the perimeter walls are where we send our junk to die.

I have been busy finding a new home for all the stuff that was piled in the garage. And by new home, I mean making a furniture graveyard in the snow bank at the edge our driveway. I am happy to report that someone has come and adopted Mark’s old nightstand from when he was but a wee boy, as well as the old office chair that Mark and I rescued out of a trash bin from way back in the day when we had no money for furniture and all the money in the world for bar hoping and cigarettes.

Today, I donated three large boxes of books and two overstuffed bags of clothing to the Salvation Army. Inside those bags was every last business suit I have ever owned. I don’t need them anymore, and I might have kept them, you know, just in case this being a Stay at Home Mom thing doesn’t work out, except having two kids metamorphosed my body and nothing pre-baby fits properly anymore.

So now that we’ve freed up some space in the garage, and parked our bicycles behind the bar-we-never-use-it-should-be-a-bathroom in the basement, there is room to park the new van. The only problem now, however, is parking . The van just fits in the garage. Like, just. And since I’m having a hard time getting used to the intricacies of parking something so large, I decided to place a marker to help make sure the van is parked deep enough inside the garage that I can close the door, but far enough from the front wall that I don’t accidentally crash into it.

First, I made a noose out of dental floss. Next, I took one of Nate’s small plush toys, a pink Care Bear, and carefully positioned him at the base of my windshield. Next, I secured the noose to the garage ceiling with a thumbtack. And finally, I wrapped the noose around the neck of Nate's Care Bear and sent it on a suicide mission.

It was a quick and painless death, as far as Care Bears dying, I’m sure. And now, as soon as I ram my windshield into his pink corpse, I know I am perfectly parked.

I’m so clever it hurts.


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Funny! We put a mark on the wall that lines up with our side mirrors when the vehicle is in Ideal Parking Position. A little less morbid, but not nearly as funny as your technique.
Posted by Anonymous Jen O. :  March 04, 2008

The night that thumb tack gives and you careen into the far wall out of sheer horror from the sudden close encounter with the pink Care Bear, that's going to be the eve of your funniest post ever.
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  March 04, 2008

That is so funny, that poor care bear!!! You really made me laugh with that....then I remembered my garage full of junk, that somehow NEVER gets sorted...maybe I should buy a van and then I would have to clear it!!!!
Posted by Blogger Tabitha :  March 04, 2008

I know you probably meant "bar hopping" but I nearly died laughing, because "bar hoping" is a really good description of what my girlfriends and I used to do...such shameless hussies, we were!
Posted by Blogger Melissa :  March 04, 2008

OMG no word of a lie I thought about doing something very similiar this week! I am tired of crashing into the recycling bins.
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  March 04, 2008

wow! that was very clever! you go girl!! I think I would have done the same thing. LOL

poor care bear :( hahaha!!
Posted by Anonymous gracie :  March 04, 2008

I can't imagine a better use for a pink Care Bear!
Posted by Blogger Heather :  March 04, 2008

very creative..but most people use a tennis ball instead of a care bear :) LOL

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  March 05, 2008

Ha! Yes, my grandparents use a tennis ball, but I think I like the Care Bear much better. I hate Care Bears.
Posted by Blogger Gina :  March 05, 2008

That is hilarious! My friend uses one of her dog's "Chuck It" balls suspended from the ceiling of the garage to park her Jetta each time. Only problem is, each time she arrives home with the dog in tow, he goes NUTS seeing one of his balls suspended in air, awaiting his eager jaws...
Posted by Anonymous Freya :  March 05, 2008

Love it!
And very smart...I personally witnessed my Mom, years ago, drive the car into the garage too far and push a wood burning stove through the garage wall out the back! I thought it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen but I also wasn't the one who had to make the repair, to car and wall...or pay for it!
Posted by Anonymous Val :  March 05, 2008

Yeah, it hurts me, too.
Posted by Blogger Christi :  March 05, 2008

I love it!

You are a genius.
Posted by Anonymous Angella :  March 06, 2008

I have seen the tennis ball but never a care bear. I laughed when I saw the thumb nail on flickr.
Posted by Blogger TBG :  March 06, 2008

Oh my God, that's too funny.

Ha-Ha! Thats a good one, i love it !!!!!!!
Posted by Anonymous Amanda McM :  March 24, 2008


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