Before and After
by Karla ° Saturday, June 28, 2008
Typical Friday Night Before Kids:

5:30 pm: BEER!

5:39 pm: BEER!

Oh, what the hell, let’s keep this simple; 5:40 – 11:00 pm: BEER!

11:09 pm: Stumble into a restaurant, fill the room with drunken laughter and pile food into an already full belly of beer.

12:02 am: Stumble home. Have stumbly drunken sex. Pass out and die. Resurrect sometime around noon on Saturday, moan for several hours and then muster the insanity of youth and continue marathon weekend-long binge drinking.


Friday Night After Kids:

3:00 pm: Begin to have some serious concerns about dehydration because Nate has barely eaten or drank anything in a days and days and yet the diarrhea and fever continue.

3:02 pm: Call family doctor. Not in until next week. Decide against returning to the walk-in clinic we visited earlier in the week because the appointment felt detached and rushed.

3:03 pm: Suddenly remembered that a reader previously told me about a Children’s Walk-in Clinic staffed by Pediatricans here in Ajax.

3:04 pm: All-knowing Google tells me the clinic doesn’t open until 5:30 pm.

5:29 pm: Arrive at Children’s Pediatric Walk-in Clinic one minute early to (hopefully) beat the anticipated long and crowded wait.

5:31 pm: Notice sign on door apologizing for the inconvenience, but the clinic will not open until 7:30 pm. Curse under breath.

5:57 pm: Also curse at the volume of traffic in what should be a very quick drive to the pharmacy.

6:01 pm: Pull into parking space and cringe as the sound of curb pavement and van crunch beneath me. Make note to self to learn how to park this fucking behemoth of a van already. Cringe again as I put the van in reverse and the front fender slowly scrapes its way back off the curb.

6:17 pm: Arrive home and try to get an incredibly picky eater of a kid to drink pedialyte. Realize this is about as likely to happen as asking him to solve the height of an isosceles triangle. Realize that I don’t even know how to do that. Shrug off my dwindling mental capacity and demonstrate how great pedialyte tastes. MMM! LOOK! MOMMY LOVES PEDIALYTE!

6:20 pm: Dump a cranky and lifeless kid into the very capable hands of a husband still tired from a long commute and an even longer day at work so that I can go for a run.

6:22 pm: Realize that I have no clean running clothes. Shrug off my dwindling capacity to care and dig out a previously soaked with sweat sports bra and running socks from the dirty laundry basket.

6:26 pm: God, when was the last time I peed? Fucking broken main floor toilet.

6:29 pm: Go for speed run.

7:13 pm: Arrive home. Fall over. Die.

7:14 pm: Realize there is no time to be dead when you have a sick kid.

7:15 pm: Shower.

7:19 pm: Throw on a clean t-shirt and crops and slip on my bedraggled yet über comfortable six-year old peek-a-boo sandals.

7:24 pm: Strap a limp and feverish kid into a car seat.

7:35 pm: Arrive at Children’s Pediatric Walk-in Clinic.

7:42 pm: Feel guilty when my sick toddler walks over to a five-month old and coughs all over him.

8:15 pm: Pediatrician determines Nate has a very bad ear infection. Current antibiotics not working. And why were they prescribed in the first place? Start new course IMMEDIATELY! Also, for persistent coughing learn that honey is just as good as cough medicine. Good to know considering all children’s cold and cough medicines have been banned.

8:22 pm: Arrive back at pharmacy and tote around an unwanted sippy filled with pedialyte, a lifeless Spider-Man pyjama-clad toddler and his blankie. Wait for new prescription to be filled.

8:45 pm: Arrive home. Offer child cookies and ice cream hopeful that enticing him with something sweet will get him to eat SOMETHING. Dispense new meds, tempra and several doses of cuddling and love while child falls asleep in Mark's reassuring arms.

9:00 pm: God, when was the last time I ate? Cucumber and tomato on a toasted whole grain bagel counts as dinner right?

9:17 pm: BEER!

9:44 pm: Snuggle up on the sofa and drift off in a peaceful slumber against the comforting warmth of a burly man chest.


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awww..poor Nate. No one likes pedalite, it's always a battle. I'm happy the DR saw he needed a different course of treatment. I hope he feels better very soon!
Posted by Anonymous Shannon :  June 28, 2008

Oh Karla ~ that sounds like such an awful time ~ I hate it when kids are sick. Hope little Nate gets better soon, now that he is on his new medicine!!
Lauren had tonsilitis (or however you spell it!!!) a while back and that was not nice either!!
Wishing you all much love XXX
Posted by Blogger Tabitha :  June 28, 2008

I'm sure the new anti-biotics will kick in soon and in a couple of days he will be alot better.
Give the wee man a cudle for me.
Love Amanda xx
Posted by Blogger Amanda :  June 28, 2008

Oooh man. I do not envy you! Poor little Nate! Poor you!
I hope he gets much beter asap. :)

Great post. Those times when they're sick are so scary. I hope Nate gets better soon!

ya know...i would go for it and try gadoraid and popcicles...lots and lots of them.. the regerlaer ones not the suger free (that has fake suger...bad for babies)
Posted by Anonymous uumomma :  June 29, 2008

i got this

for brandon its a homeopathic honey cough syrup and it actually works crazy good, i got it at whole foods/wild oats...totally kicks ass!

also when he wouldn't drink pedialite we just gave him plain old red gatorade so then he felt cool drinking daddies drink, and the doctor said the sugar in it would actually benefit him

We also went the gatorade route, b/c pedialyte just doesn't cut it!

I always think to myself, "Man, I sure do miss having a life...back when I went out and partied, etc..." Then I realize that my life now is much busier and much, much more full than it ever was, sickness, sleeplessness and all! And I can still even fit a random beer and sex in there somewhere!
Posted by Blogger Christi :  June 29, 2008

So true.. great post! Poor baby Nate. I just hate it when they are sick and half the time you feel so helpless to really help them. Most colds just have to run there coarse. I'm so glad he got on some new antibiotics though for that nasty ear infection. Get better Nate!!

just word.


pass the beer please.
Posted by Blogger Ali :  June 30, 2008

Poor kid, hope he feels better. I remember those days. My son use to get so many ear infections, one year from sept-may he was sick almost non stop. I remember walking through a 24hour pharmacy with sick kid laying asleep in shopping cart many nights while waiting for more meds. It will get easier. My son had tubes for his ears and see's a Chiropractor. Those two combined are all that worked for him. Even the Month of anitibiotis did not work.
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  July 01, 2008

Oh, the honey works wonders.

Thought I would send along a couple more to help keep you sanity!

Warm water during a coughing fit. Plus, try putting vicks on his feet and cover with socks. This works's weird though....but we use this trick often.

Good luck...and hope Nate gets better soon!
Posted by Anonymous Val :  July 01, 2008

This is sooo true... Poor Nate!!
Posted by Blogger Jeninacide :  July 01, 2008


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