Be Gentle, it's a guest post.
by Karla ° Monday, January 19, 2009
Karla has asked me to guest post while she is off sipping cocktails and building sandcastles. Her hand trembled slightly as she handed over the keys to her blog-baby. Like an overprotective mother her only request was "Be gentle to my blog dude".

I have never guest posted before, so I should start by introducing myself. I am the friend from this post. The girlfriend who lives too far away but has managed stay close over the last 10 years via email and instant messaging.

I am most comfortable talking to people through a computer, I find it easier to be honest when the words appear in front of you instead of spilling from your mouth. That being said, I love the ability to write out a thought, then quickly backspace backspace backspace and think "I am sure glad I didn't send that one"

One of the topics that Karla and I have talked about more frequently in the past couple months is the "When are you going to have another baby?" the question that pours out of grandparents, friends, strangers lips when they see you with a small bundle of joy. The amniotic fluid isn't even dry and they are pressuring you to have another child.

My son is 8.5 months old. Born on a sunny Tuesday in May, he changed my life (as babies often do) and my opinion of babies and children alike. When I found out I was pregnant (a story that will have to wait for another time) I knew I would want more than one. Hubby felt the same way, he was raised an only child and I had siblings. We both agreed having a brother or sister was important.

So if Mommy and Daddy are both wanting another baby, when you start trying for another baby?

I got kind of freaked out when the clock struck midnight and I realized that I would be 29 in a few short months. That means that in a few short months and a year I would be thirty. My silly internal timetable said "no babies after 30" just like it said "you must be married before 25". That doesn't leave me much time to have any remaining children.

The part of me with the giant clock around her neck says "Don't be a pussy, have another baby NOW. You know what it's like to have a newborn, you can totally have a newborn and a toddler, and do it on your own five days a week while hubby is away at work, you are an amazing woman and mother" but then the rational part of me says "Are you fucking insane?"

I know I want more kids, should I just suck it up and have a few insane baby/diaper/sleepless years now? Or wait until Jr is older, and have another baby when hes like say married?

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We didn't make a conscious decision since our first child was conceived through infertility treatments and we didn't think we needed to "prevent"....but we were surprised and our kids are less than 2 years apart. So we never really got to decide what the best timing would be for us! I think your situation may also be a bit more complicated than most, considering the little we do know about the circumstances surrounding your first child, so it's a bit hard to give any advice. I will say that adding a child to a marriage certainly doesn't make it EASIER if you're already struggling....but of course that's just speculations based on what has been said. I like having mine close together though. They are best friends :).
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 19, 2009

Considering I'm having my first at 30 years old, I would say waiting a while longer won't be problem if you are not really ready yet.
Posted by Anonymous Olivia :  January 19, 2009

Your biological clock hasn't spung its springs yet! You are only 30! I had my first baby at 36! And now that my beautiful baby boy just turned 1, I am having the baby fever again. You have time to wait another 2 years if you REALLY wanted on the other hand, well my clock is starting to make that squeaky noise so I feel that I better start soon. :)

-connie davis
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 19, 2009

lose the idea that 30 is the cut off for having babies. Thirty is still quite young.
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 19, 2009

As someone who had her 3rd and final child by age 25, I'd say wait until you are ready. Only 1 of our kids were 'planned' and they are all 3 years apart. I teeter on the fence most days of wishing that they were a) closer in age or b) wishing that I had waited until the older one was in school.
My biggest problem was/is money. For the last 14 years, I have been robbing Peter to pay Paul...and let me tell you, it gets old...QUICK!
You have to do what is best for you. You'll know when it's time ;o)
Posted by Anonymous Karen :  January 19, 2009

I was ready to have another when my firstborn was 18 months old. Since I was breastfeeding, I didn't think I would get pregnant anyway. I didn't and by the time my son was 2, I was ready to wean him so I could get pregnant. It took us 6 more months to get pregnant again. My firstborn was 3 years and 3 months when my second was born. And honestly, I'm glad it worked out that way because oldest is out of diapers and very helpful with the baby. Point: we can't really plan ahead when it comes to kids. ;)

Also, I will be 30 next month and will probably have 1 or 2 more kids later. I don't feel like I have to rush at all.
Posted by Blogger Keri :  January 19, 2009

I think that you have to just do whatever feels right!
I had my son when I was 27 and my daughter when I was 31 ~
It's nice to meet you!!
Look forward to hearing more from you while Karla is away!!
Love and hugs Tabitha XXXX
Posted by Blogger Tabitha :  January 19, 2009

Good question!

I was 19 when I had my first and unmarried, we knew we needed to wait for more. We got married and thought we would wait till our first was 5, well surprise, we got preggo before then. The kids are almost exactly 4 years apart, it was nice in some was and hard in others. It felt too long.

I see families with kids 1-2 years apart and think the kids have such a sweet bond, it took my kids years before they played together.

I'm sure you'll make the right choice for your family!
Posted by Blogger Donna :  January 19, 2009

I was 20 when I had my son, he is now 21 months old. I can say I am yearning for another little being, but I also know I have a lot I want/need to do. My advice for you is that there is no rush. I understand you may not want to be 60 and your child only being like 15 but hey, you have so much really do. Don't do anything you have doubts about. What's wrong with waiting until your little one is 2 or 3? Do what your heart tells you to do first as oppossed to your clock!
Posted by Anonymous Krystle :  January 19, 2009

30 is just a are still young and have lots of time to have another baby....or two...or three if you want! lol

When our first daughter was 9 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. I was freaking out because our kids were going to be so close in age and I didn't know what it would be like, etc. Our girls are 17 months apart and they are the best of friends (for now at least lol). Our oldest loves to help out and she really does LOVE her little sister. They are both in diapers at the same time but who cares? I sometimes think it's easier that way - especially since they wear the same size now (our oldest is very petite and our youngest is a bit chunky lol)

Having 2 under two isn't bad at all and if I had to do it all over again, I a heartbeat!

Good luck with your decision - you'll never make the wrong one when it comes to children
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 19, 2009

I am 30 when my 4th arrived and turned 31 right after that. All 4 are 20 months apart. We made the decision to have them as close as possible with breastfeeding for these reasons
1. so they could possibly be good playmates
2. Get the whole diaper/spit-up/breastfeeding over with
3. Still be relatively young when they are grown up
4. Because we knew we wanted a big family we wanted them quick so that we could get to the point where we could all go out together (i.e. movie/skiing etc) and the oldest was not too old.
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  January 19, 2009

I had my kids 2 years and 3 months apart. That first year or two was difficult, but it was worth it because they are close enough in age that they can play together. That is more valuable now than I knew it would be when we were trying to decide. Ultimately it's a very personal decision. I just turned 30, and I don't in any way feel like I'm too old to have babies. It may be slightly more difficult physically than when I was 20ish, but I think I'm mentally more steady and have more common sense than I did back then. Just my experience, you can take it or leave it.
Posted by Blogger Julia :  January 20, 2009

Wow your are very young. Go for it, having children is beautiful. Eventhough i dont have any for myself yet =)

...please where can I buy a unicorn?
Posted by Anonymous Anonymous :  December 14, 2009


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