untanglingknots.com: 200%

by Karla ° Monday, October 23, 2006

There aren’t too many places in the world where you can walk around smelling like lube and eat ice cream served from cones in the shape of testicles and fit right in, unless you were at The Everything to do with Sex Show in Toronto last weekend.

It was fun, you know, considering there were Got Ass models parading around in stilettos and Brazilian panties cut just so for ample cheeky back-end exposure trying to steal the gazes of men with every sashay and swing of their hips.

The lingerie fashion show was entertaining, despite my split second of jealousy and wish for my lump free and toned pre-baby body back. When I noticed one model’s ass was covered in bumpy cottage cheese-like cellulite however, a sense of smug validation set in.

Always a sucker for the freebies, while passing a condom booth, Mark grabbed a handful of free samples. The man at the booth darted his eyes to my bulging stomach before looking back at Mark with an empathetic expression of “too little too late dude, but better luck next time with family planning thing.”

While quizzing Mark from one of the handouts we grabbed, I learned he thinks women’s nipples swell to 200% their normal size when aroused. I’m not sure where this number came from, but I can assure you my nipples have never swelled to expansive proportions large enough to balance a saucer and a tea cup.

A crowd pleaser seemed to be the porn stars signing autographs and posing for pictures., The highlight for me personally was watching Shaun Majumder from the famous Canadian political satire TV show, This Hour has 22 Minutes visit all the different sex booths and work his comical magic.

I might be on TV if they show the Oyster shucking segment and pan slightly to left. I am the one standing there in all my mountainous matronliness drinking a bottle of coke underneath the jumbo screen playing clips of college girls flashing their boobs.

Shaun Majumder from This Hour has 22 Minutes discussing the benefits of the Liberator Sex Ramp with a seasoned expert.

Labels: Pregnancy

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Comments:

Going to the sex show at 7 months pregnant...that is so awesome. I think you and I would get along splendidly!

As for 200%...could be true. They also change with pregnancy / nursing and I swear mine are permanently at about plus 200%.

Sorry, that was probably too much information for the Internet.

Posted by Anonymous : October 23, 2006

I've not heard the precise number 200% either. But that means absolutely nothing.

As for those ramps, I HAVE heard that they are not too shabby. The simpler ones are the best. Now I know remember whatI wanted to put on my Xmas list! ;)

Posted by Gina : October 23, 2006

Help my innocent, naive self. What's the ramp for? My best guess is doggie style so you don't have to hold yourself up with your arms.

Posted by Unknown : October 23, 2006

I wish I'd had a set of those ramps when I was still married. Picking the dog up and down off the bed got to be so annoying..

Posted by Anonymous : October 23, 2006

I am so picturing all of this and just rolling on the floor. The thought of you in all your properness at a sex show is very comical!

Seriously though, I need to know when that sex show is coming to my part of the rock! Nothing fun like that ever happens here!

Blogger is being a HAB and not letting my post while logged in, so...

Finelly

Posted by Anonymous : October 24, 2006

Your too cute Julia. For me, the ramp reminds of the "pregnancy wedge", which is alot smaller, but same shape, only the wedge is supposed to support a big pregnancy belly.

You're right though,the ramp is purely for varying your positions, or like Happy said, using it to move things on and off the bed.

Posted by karla : October 24, 2006

Trey always sees those ramps for sale in the back of his Maxim magazines, and wonders how many people actually buy them. He wanted one once...Needless to say, I think we're doing just fine w/o one!

Posted by Christi : October 24, 2006

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