| Preparing |
When I was pregnant with Ava, I spent countless hours shopping and preparing for her arrival. The world of baby accouterments was new and exciting and the range of products to pick from felt impressively endless. I mean, it got to the point where if I wasn’t eating or sleeping, my entire brain activity was dedicated to trying to decide whether I should buy a Babybjörn or a sling. Sure I moaned and grudgingly complained about the cost of having a baby, but secretly, I loved every single minute of it and felt not a speck of guilt about some of my more lavish or indulgent purchases.
This time around though, preparing for the baby is very different. For starters, we have everything we need, so all the big ticket items like the crib and the car seat are taken care of. I don’t have a problem reusing the stuff we bought for Ava for this baby and I think that is partially because Ava never actually had a chance to use any of it. For me, there isn’t any significant association of her with them. The things that I do have attachment to are the things she actually wore or items that hold sentimental value like the tiny casts we have of her feet and hands and my gold locket where I keep a tiny lock of her hair. The most precious item of all is the little hat she wore after she was born. The only other items of clothing that carry any significant value to me is the blanket she was wrapped in after she was born and the tiny pink overalls we dressed her in after we bathed her. Sadly, those items never found their way back to me.
Not having to plan and shop for Nate like we did for Ava has admittedly been a huge disappointment, but on the other hand, there is the benefit of not having the enormous upfront costs of preparing for a baby.
That being said, it was still abysmally glum the day we took all of our unused baby gear out of storage. It felt like I was picking the scab off of an old wound and I had to keep reminding myself that it was just “stuff”, and besides, isn’t exposing your wounds to fresh air supposed to be good for them?
The nursery isn’t exactly a product of completion. When Ava died, her room quickly became labeled the Yellow Room. After the doctors confirmed that my second pregnancy was not viable, I just wanted to shrivel up and wilt. I remember waking up the morning after we learned the heartbreaking news and despite my pain and bleeding, went and bought white paint to cover up the bright sunshine hue in that room. I felt so far removed and hopeless that all I wanted to do was reflect those feelings in the form colourless clinical despair in a room where so many hopes and dreams have been crushed and left in limbo. Today, the room remains white and I have no intention on changing it for now.
Most of Ava’s clothes, despite my stubborn adamancy for gender neutral yellows and greens, somehow all ended up as various shades of pink. There really wasn’t much that I could reuse for this baby, so addressing the clothing situation was something I had to face. My mom has kindly helped pimp up the masculinity of Nate’s wardrobe and bless her soul for doing so because it was getting to the point where this child would have been wrapped like a ragamuffin in various shades of blue from my husband’s underwear drawer because I couldn’t bring myself to go shopping and I so would have wrapped him up like a little Caucasian monk with a pair boxer briefs before parading him around in pink.
My neurosis about buying stuff is slowly getting better. Just the other day I managed to go into a Babies”R”Us for the first time in over a year and half, and I think, maybe, just maybe, a tiny scintilla of that baby shopping bug is starting to kick in. My first hint was when the sales associate noticed me snapping pictures of diapers with my cell phone and suggested I use the registry gun to keep track of items I wanted. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I was actually planning on using the photos to comparison shop diapers costs.
Remind me again, how do people afford children?
Labels: Grief and Loss, In Memory of Ava, Pregnancy, Thinking Out Loud |
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Costco! But you don't have one over there, do you?
Try to find diapers in bulk, I have heard, although never confirmed, that Amazon has good prices on diapers, even when factoring in the shipping.
I am excited for you that you are getting excited!
I think Luvs diapers are priced the best, and work great. Try a pack and see what you think--on the baby when he gets here I mean :)
I wondered how we would afford having kids, but when they get here, you realize it is not as financially straining as you think it will be.
I hope you have a great time shopping for those boy clothes. You so deserve it!!
I like the new picture. Don't get me wrong, Samson's a cute puppy, but this is nicer.
The answer to your question is: I have no idea. Hope that helps.
I think you just "do". :)
I buy Sobeys diapers to be completely honest. They are the only diapers that work for Tyler. By the amount of diapers we go through you'd think we only give him milk and water instaed of food. Every diaper we have tried he has managed to leak out of, except Sobeys brand.
I hope you have better luck finding boy clothing than I have here in NB. I continuously find myself getting pissed off when I go shopping for clothes because there are always 349737 clothing racks for the girls and 2 for boys. Not fair if you as me!
I get diapers at walmart or target. I get TONS of coupons for huggies which were great until Noah hit size 2 & 3. Now I'm a pampers convert. I seriously hate luvs bc the tabs are horrible. The walmart white cloud are ok too.
I have a link at my blog for cute, bright colors for boys clothing. I hate pastels now.
... you don't count the cost.
:)
The best thing is to put them to work as soon as they can work their hands..
And then make them pay rent..
Karla it's amazing how the money just always seems to be there after you have kids. You just figure out ways and manage.
I personally like Pampers the best but LUVS are basically the same but don't hold as much in my opinion.
Always buy the diapers in the box, wherever you buy them. It's the best buy!
Very toucing post, though. You are such a strong woman to get through all this.
And I like the new picture, too!
I love his name. I did not know it was going to be Nate. Great name Karla! Babies are so expensive!
Uhhhh, while we're on the subject of diapers, I will pass on the smartest tip I was EVER given for a baby boy...always remember to tuck it down (think about it...).
I buy White Cloud. I love them. They are only at Walmart. I hate Luvs and Huggies. If I were to buy brand name, I'd buy Pampers in a heartbeat, but White Cloud are just as good. Sams also has their brand, the same thing, that's also awesome.
Babies are cheap. You can totally afford them. If I can have three and afford them all, you can have one. I even formula feed, so you can totally do it if you nurse!
One thing I remember reading was that you need something like 10-12 diapers a day. I found with disposable diapers this was a gross overestimation. Sorry if this sounds slack, but you don't have to change the diaper every time they pee. They're very absorbent and they wick away the moisture, so you can cut down on cost by waiting until they pee a couple times or poop.
Huggies are my diaper of choice.
My grandson is clothed in brand names like Guess, Nautica and of course, Oshgosh - thanks to thrift stores.
When I had my oldest son, I would not have dreamed of putting something 'used' on him.
Then, I realized that he delighted in puking, peeing and pooping all over the good stuff!
I still didn't turn to thrift stores until MUCH later, but now I am hooked.
Yes, one does have to pick through a lot of ugly stuff, but I have turned it into a sort of treasure hunt, and hit at least two thrift stores a week.
I also have about 100 'board' books. They are easily sanitized. I paid between 10 cents and 29 cents for each of them. They retail beginning at 4.99. These are books like "Good Night Moon", "Guess How Much I Love You" and Dr. Seuss.
One added bonus to thrift store shopping. The pure delight of noticing all of the ill-behaved children! One always leaves thinking "Good heavens! At least my child is not THAT bad!"
Judy - www.judyh58.blogspot.com
Walmart and Target brand is the least expensive. Karla, again, thanks for being so open and honest. I completely understand how difficult it is to get out baby stuff that was from Ava.... I had similar things. Though I lost my baby when I was just under 8 weeks pregnant, we were so excited we had bought things for him/her already (just about the moment we found out). It was hard to use some of those things (which were gender neutral) with Emilee... so I understand how that is. But this new life that I've found in her hasn't made me forget my other baby, but it definitely gave me hope. I hope that you find that as well.
I *still* don't know how people afford babies...but do let me know if you find out!
Thinking of you as always.
It is a long time since I have had the pleasure of shopping in the baby department. I understand your caution and pray that next year at this time you are buying everything blue that you spot.
I agree about getting clothes at thrift store, sometime you have good luck sometime youdont. My son has a whole wardrobe from Old Navy that I found at various thrifts. It takes time though, you have to be patient enought to look!!
I also like the Whit Cloud diapers from Walmart...not sure you have that there??
But I also loved huggies...EVERY child is different. Try them all out and then decide!!
Money always comes...believe me, we make very little but have always had everything we needed for our kiddos!!
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Thursday, November 09, 2006
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Gina : November 09, 2006 
