untanglingknots.com: Life Happens

by Karla ° Monday, September 28, 2009

I have not worked full time since the day Ava died, April 14th, 2005 and I spent a great deal of the year after her death oscillating between collapsing on the floor in a heap of grief, running and volunteering with the elderly.

I clearly remember the day I had a miscarriage 10 months after Ava died, too. I was minutes away from a craft session with a group of wonderfully young at heart ladies and had stopped at the store to pick up some supplies, used a public restroom, looked in the toilet and saw the gray matter and saw the blood. Disoriented, half in denial, half depersonalized, I drove to my volunteer location and holding back tears explained I would not be in that afternoon. And then I called Mark and spent the next six hours in an Emergency Room waiting for someone to tell me that, yes, in face, I was a having a miscarriage.

Watching a child die, and then having a miscarriage, to be blunt, over four years later still haunts me in ways I never could have expected. The entire story behind the psychology and brain fuckedness of that is a whole other post, one which I’m not sure I’m ready to share, but I vowed, VOWED I would cherish the time I had with my living son for as long as possible.

I was fortunate enough to stay home with him for over a year and then, then? I started to crave a few seconds alone. And then those seconds turned into minutes. And those minutes turned into hours with some adult conversation. And those hours turned to putting my son in daycare one day a week, two days a week, FIVE DAYS A WEEK!

And then, before I knew it, my kid is almost three, I’ve suddenly ended up in a photography contract for the next few months and my house is a disaster, I often fall asleep before my two-year-old does and LO! I have not even updated my blog and man, that makes me feel like shit. It’s just, you know, life.

Thanks for your patience.

xo

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Comments:

Life tends to get in the way a lot. I hope you're enjoying it -- life, that is -- because, really, that's all that matters.

Posted by She Likes Purple : September 28, 2009

You are so right, Life Happens!
I wish you all the best in your new photography venture.
And I bet Nate has lots of fun in his Nursery too!!
l,
Amanda x

Posted by Amanda : September 29, 2009

I will be patient as long as I need to be. I have never read another blog that is written as well as yours and so I wait...for your next post. The ones about Ava give me all sorts of emotions but I love seeing Nate's cuteness too. :)

So, wait I will, all while wishing you tons of luck with the job I know you are so darn good at.

xoxo Julie Ball

Posted by Anonymous : September 29, 2009

En España decimos que cuando han sucedido cosas tristes, la vida te ha traído limones, pero también tenemos un refrán que dice:
"Si la vida te trae limones... pide hielo, azúcar y llámame"
El tiempo lo cura todo, pero no dejes que el recuerdo de lo que "podría" haber sido te impida disfrutar de lo que actualmente "es".

Posted by Susana : September 30, 2009

But you know what I notice from this entry, you are happy. Very happy with this new challenge, so go enjoy yourself.

Posted by MeMandB : September 30, 2009

Congratulations on the photography success though. How one manages to break into photography these days, I don't know. Have you been taking courses and investing in a million dollars worth of equipment?

Posted by Anvilcloud : October 01, 2009

Ahhh, Thanks AC. I haven't had to invest in anything. I just have to cart around 8 billion pounds of tripods and lights in my van that are supplied for me. :) I have no idea how this panned out for me either but my contract is only for a couple more weeks. It's been fun. :)

Posted by karla : October 01, 2009

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