The Good

On Monday of this week, my baby scored perfectly on his biophysical profile ultrasound and it’s been determined that he weighs in ahead of his unborn peers at a staggering 2lbs already. Also, my placenta has shimmied every so slightly from the opening of my cervix.

On Tuesday, I met Heather downtown Toronto for a morning gab fest over hot chocolate veiled in savory whip cream and chai lattes. The first thing I noticed about her was her serene ocean blue eyes. Emanating warmth and kindness, they captivate your heart and wrap it in a blanket of warm fuzziness. Her spoken words are rich and meaningful, and she is so grounded and level headed that she makes me look like a babbling bubble of hot air floating the skies in aimless circles to nowhere by comparison. I’m so happy she was able to find the time in her busy schedule to meet up with me.

The Bad

My placenta is still too close to my cervix to make labour or delivery safe at this point. A c-section is still medically required so I don’t hemorrhage and lose my body’s blood supply faster than the collapse of Enron on the stock market.

My home scale is a deceitful bastard and I have gained more weight than it has let on.


The Very Ugly

A taxi cab rear ended me early this morning while I was stopped a red light. After a scary morning of monitoring at the hospital, I am now on high alert for signs of a placental abruption. My neck is a bit sore, and I have a headache that won’t go away, but the part that hurts the worst is my crushed heart. My baby has such a slight chance of survival outside the womb at this point if he needs to be born. The next few hours and days will either reveal nothing is wrong, or become a living nightmare of a premature baby’s struggle for survival.

This incident is yet another football kick in the temple to remind me how motherfucking frightening pregnancy can be and how helplessly out of control I feel.

I just hope the legacy of this, my third baby, does not end in a third loss.

Labels: Friends, Pregnancy