untanglingknots.com: Remembering

by Karla ° Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Last Friday I received quite possibly the saddest and most heart wrenching email I have ever read. It was a blatant reminder why I harbour such guarded emotions when it comes to pregnancy and babies and makes me want to hug my stomach tight and somehow guard my own baby against the harsh realities of the Universe.

A woman who I do not know in person, but share an intimate empathetic connection with, is currently pregnant with a precious baby boy named Ian. Although he is not ill, he will not survive after he is born. His brain stopped growing two months ago, and while she waits for labour to begin, she is forced to come to terms with birthing a child who has no chance of survival outside her body and the only reasonable option for her is palliative care.

As a mother who had no choice but to remove her own baby from life support, I can empathize and understand her agony. What I can’t even begin to understand is what it must be like spending the last few weeks of pregnancy planning a funeral for a baby still kicking and squirming in utero. My heart is heavy and throbbing and I wish her nothing but strength and courage as she embarks down the painful road ahead of her.

This Sunday I will be attending a very special Dove Release to remember and cherish the gentle cherubium babies who are no longer with us. I’ll be reading a poem called She Soars that I wrote for Ava shortly after she died. So many woman and families who have lost babies will be in my thoughts this weekend, but today especially, my heart weighs heavily for Heather and her sweet little boy Matthew who tiptoed in into this world silently six years ago today.

Labels: Grief and Loss

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Comments:

I cannot even imagine the kind of sorrow that is in your heart and mind. I am praying for you, as well as your online friends.

The poem you wrote is absolutely beautiful. If only I could write as well as you!

Posted by Melanie : September 27, 2006

I'm all choked up. Thank you for thinking of me, as I do of you nearly every day. My heart aches for your friend.

Posted by Heather Plett : September 27, 2006

That is so sad. I'll be thinking about you and Heather on Sunday.

Posted by Unknown : September 27, 2006

oh god Karla. it's completely bewildering, all of it. and wretched. thinking of all of you.

Posted by Anonymous : September 27, 2006

Wow, Karla, that is so sad! I imagine that you can definitely relate to this woman's pain. Good luck!

Posted by Unknown : September 28, 2006

I guess it's b/c I have been fortunate enough to not have to go through any extra tests, persay, but I can't even imagine how they could know that a fetus' brain stopped growing...wow...

I will never understand the world we live in, and why the least deserving people never have a problem having kids, and those who want them the most sometimes do. I can't imagine for even a second what this poor woman must be feeling right now, nor have I ever been able to try to put myself in your shoes. I try to keep faith that there's a reason for it all, but dammit, I surely can't think of what it could possibly be!

Posted by Christi : September 29, 2006

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