by Karla ° Sunday, October 15, 2006
This weekend my husband and I headed northbound to visit my little brother and his girlfriend and the cute and cozy little abode that they just purchased together called home.

I don’t get to see my brother often, mostly because we don’t live close to each other, but also because my mom kicked him out her house for allegedly possessing mass quantities of a certain illegal substance for the alleged purpose of inhaling. All alleged of course.

Before agreeing to any sort of sleepover these days however, I must unleash my inner Neonatal Nazi and squander any and all forms of self respecting politeness to find out about the indoor smoking habits of the homes I visit.

I don’t think one can delicately dance around such a question without risking offending someone, but I’m pregnant and a total radical fascist when it comes to second hand smoke and my baby, so when my brother called me to confirm our plans, I tried to sound as aloof as possible and said, “so Jay, do you smoke in your house or what?” To which he responded that they smoke outdoors. “So you smoke that outside too right, and can we bring doggis the pooch with us?”

With confirmation that baby’s lungs would not be set ablaze on second hand smoke or the alleged fumes of an illegal substance; my husband and I piled the dog, his crate, and our two bodies into our tiny little car

The dogs crate is supposedly portable, as in; it collapses and folds flat, like my pre-pregnancy chest, for easy transportation. Easy that is, as long as you don’t need to cram it into a car built for hobbits and dwarfs. To fit the four foot long crate in the trunk car, we had to lower the back seats, and because my dog is probably taller than Nicole Richie, and most definitely weighs more than her, he basically rode the whole way there half in and half out of the trunk. If the same laws for child abuse applied to dogs, I may very well have found my self in a solitary confinement cell called jail by now.

My brother and his girlfriend, who he met back in high school while behaving belligerently at a bush party while harassing the poor girl because her last name contains the word “cock” and “head” are a total blast to hang out with. They are two of the happiest go-lucky people I know, even though I suspect their endless orbs of energy come from their never-ending supply of gummy sour keys, nerds and reeses pieces.

I am home now, with a candy high hangover and a wicked headache that will not go away. I have been getting headaches every since being rear ended, but I also contracted a nasally cold around the same time, so perhaps the pressure in my head has something to do with blowing my nose 4907 times a day. I also spent a day last week clutching and heaving into a porcelain bowl after being awakened out of my sleep at 3:00 am to forcefully gag into the toilet. If I didn’t already look like a wobbling weeble, I might have suspected that I was pregnant.

I must remember to mention this tomorrow when I visit to my OB because I’m afraid I might have to eat my own words about pregnancy being easy for me - physically speaking. This time around, I sound and feel like a crusty 100 year old biddy.

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Glad you got to go visiting. In a smoke free house full of sugar no less..
And I'm also glad you could take the dog crate that "collapses and folds flat, like my pre-pregnancy chest, for easy transportation.", ha,ha..

... I can't be the only reader trying to figure out her last name with a 'head' and 'cock' in it.

(I know someone with the name of Woodcock but that's as close as I can get)
Posted by Blogger aka_Meritt :  October 15, 2006

Yeah, I'm with merritt - "head" and "cock"???

Sounds like they have good candy tastes - every time my kids walk to 7-11 for Slurpees, I tell them to get me one of those big sour soothers. Yum.
Posted by Blogger Heather :  October 15, 2006

MMM that candy all sounds good!

Oh and I am glad they live in a smoke free house and you were able to visit.

Those dog crates are a real bitch to fold down and put back together!

Totally wondering what the girls last name is?
Posted by Blogger TBG :  October 15, 2006

Glad you got to spend some quality time with your brother and his gem!

Sorry 'bout you being sick, babes. Doesn't sound fun.

Love you!
Posted by Blogger Blondie :  October 15, 2006

Sounds like lots of fun!! I am totally with you on the second hand smoke, and I'm not pregnant.

Glad you had a fun time visiting!
Posted by Blogger Melanie :  October 16, 2006

I am the anti-smoking nazi.

Secondhand smoke makes me ill, and I get upset when Mr. Personality is around it. Luckily for me, no one in my family smokes.

Glad you got to see your bro!
Posted by Blogger Gina :  October 16, 2006

Sounds like you had a blast!

Second hand smoke kills so I'm with ya on that one! Now if I can only convience my dad, brother and sister that then I'd be doing some good! Wish me luck on THAT venture!

Hope you feel better soon! Hugs!!
Posted by Blogger Beth :  October 16, 2006

It’s true that Ex-smokers are the worst, most militant about smoking. I quite 6 years ago after 20+ years of smoking, and I have turned into what I used to dread EX-SMOKER!

OK, so give on the last name already.
Posted by Blogger methatiam :  October 16, 2006

Ok Ok. I give in. Her last name is Cockhead.
Posted by Blogger Karla :  October 17, 2006


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