| Home Redecorating 101 |
Are you looking for ways to make your home redecorating project simple and easy?
Is the cost of expensive contractors turning you off?
Does the thought of painting make you cringe?
Does the thought of inhaling evil chemicals to strip wallpaper off the walls make you gag?
Have you discovered your own attempts at redecorating your powder room left you in a mess like this?
Or do you find yourself wondering how to fix holes in the walls, and not to get electrocuted in the process, remind you of this?
Do you often wonder how all the hard work will ever get done?
I have a solution for YOU!
You won’t be disappointed you took the time to sit through my advertisement my friends. The solution is simple, cost effective and requires nothing but sexual favors* in return.
What is this answer to making home redecorating projects simple?
What is this miracle product I am endorsing?
Why, it’s a husband!
Here are my tips to soliciting help from “the husband” or, whoever else happens to live with or near you, for help.
1. When the going gets tough, throw a temper tantrum and go to the garage, find a drill (anything big and loud that makes holes will do), and turn it on and makes lots of noise with it until “the husband” gets concerned about the amount of noise and massive size of the drill bit you are using, and takes care of those nasty wall plugs for you.
2. When unsure how to turn off the electricity, innocently ask if you can die trying to take down a light fixture.
3. When you have managed to convince “the husband” to handle the electrical aspect of your redecorating project, and he decides to fix the faulty wiring in the light switch, do not exclaim over and over again that the tools he is using look just like the tools you make your own jewelry with.
4. Apologize profusely when you get the evil glare signaling your jewelry making tools serve no purpose and are not required in the realm of manly stuff like “rewiring electrical outlets”.
5. When spraying harsh chemicals to remove a wall paper border start to bother your throat, try to draw attention to yourself and cough incessantly. If “the husband” ignores your coughing, wonder out loud if the chemicals affect your libido. Watch him spring into action.
6. When your own attempts to putty and fill drywall holes leave the wall looking like they are oozing snot and melting, sigh loudly. If your sighs go unnoticed, sigh louder!
7. For fun, while “the husband” is inside doing the real work, prance around outside making noises with the drill in your bikini. Not only will the the neighbors think you're psychotic cool, but you can work on your tan at the same time.
8. And to top the whole project off, blow the budget completely through the roof and order a custom made mirror because you want it. When “the husband” questions your choices and ability to make decisions, inform him that if he really loved you, he would understand. Also remind him that the custom order is contingent on receiving sexual favors*.
9. Follow through with sexual favors* to build trust and rapport for the next home redecorating project.
* please provide sexual favors responsibly Labels: Comic Relief, Home Improvement |
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Pretty funny, but none of these strategies would work in our house as I am totally clueless about everything in the fixit or buildit categories. I look upon it as my duty to break all of the stereotypes into which we poor men have been cast.
Valuable advice. Thanks
Good advice, but it sounds like too much work. Can't I just bitch about it until the husband does something? It hasn't worked in the past, but if I keep trying maybe...
If so say so. I did our whole bathroom, almost, in our last house. I tried all of those tricks, but it didn't do squat!
Girl we have just about re-painted our whole inside of the house since January. the biggest pain in the ass....pulling the wallpaper in the kitchen. *shudder* I love it now though! I can't wait to se your "after" pics!:-)
lol...
I want a hubbie!! No fair!
Bwaaaahaaahaaaa! That was funny!
Unfortunately, my husband thinks he is a stud because he learned at age 27 how to change the oil in his car.
He is very good at lots of things, but being handy around the house ain't one of them.
He tries, though...
Dear Lord, this post is a gas. One of the things that I heart about my hubby is that he would prefer to pay someone to do work than to do it himself. He knows where his gifts are and he sticks to that. The rest he pays for. Oh, and he can't stand to have things unfinished. He really values closure.
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Anvilcloud : August 22, 2005 
