untanglingknots.com: You Can Call Me Merry Molly Menopause

by Karla ° Monday, January 23, 2006

In the past two weeks, since getting a psychotic puppy whose sole purpose in life is to bite my hands off, my husband and I are working through our personal issues, my Grandma died, the plumbing in my house exploded (and despite four holes sawed into my walls, moldy drywall, ruined carpet, demolished wet bar sink, messy kitchen, and the mushy insulation and drywall that now needs upwards of a month to dry before the chaos can be repaired, I’m sending every curse word possible to the dickhead who drilled a nail through the black water pipe behind the dishwasher that was soldered into the wall somehow and almost required a demolition crew to remove it.

Mostly though, I’m thankful I have a Father-in-Law who saved us about a billion dollars in plumbing bills), my car needs $1000 worth of mechanical voodoo performed on a car part that sounds like something out of a weird car fetish porno movie (yeah baby, I’ll mount those rubber struts and keep you in alignment…among other oily things), we murdered a cat at high speed in our car on the way home from visiting my dying Grandma, (at which point I shook and screamed like a baby), my husband and I finally braved the idea of getting a karyotype genetic test done, I’m missing most of the flesh off my knuckles from my pissy puppy who would have been better named “Pooch the Piranha”, and, oh yeah, I had a pap smear and I can still hear the scraping sound deep inside my girl parts right before creepy recollections of a stranger fondling my cervix send me into shuddering fits.

To top everything off, I can’t get any respect around here. While bending over and scolding the damn dog about biting, my husband thought it would be funny to yank my pants down and bite my ass in front of the impressionable little devil. Once Pooch the Piranha has worked my fingers down to gnawable little stumps, his toothy search and destroy mission will shift focus to my ass.

At least I don’t need an ass, like I do my hands, when I finally decide to throw them up in the air and surrender defeat.

Labels: Samson, Soapbox, Thinking Out Loud

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Comments:

But the wet bar is okay, right?

Posted by Kurt : January 23, 2006

Oh man, that sounds like an awful lot to deal with in a relatively short amount of time.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandmother.

And not many house problems are worse than plumbing ones. I live in daily fear of ours bursting, as they are rather ancient.

You are in my thoughts, Karla...

Posted by Gina : January 23, 2006

Don't you know that this is the most depressing day of tghe year?

Posted by Anvilcloud : January 23, 2006

All that in two weeks? Holy Karla you need another vacation.

I hope things turn around, in the mean time try wearing gardening gloves covered in hot chili spray. That will stop your Piranha dog from biting, or he will develop a taste for mexican food...

Posted by Quiet : January 23, 2006

Ahhh, the fun of puppies...all those reasons you listed, the exact reasons I searched high and low for the perfect adult dog. I would have already taken it back to the pound, cute puppy breath and all!! ;-) Despite all of that though, I'm sure he's bringing you so much joy, and I'm so excited for you!! You need happiness in your life, and it seems there's never a dull moment :-( My grandfather is actively dying right now, and it's breaking my heart, so my heart goes out to you with your grandma. Just remember, you're always in my thoughts and prayers!!!

Posted by Anonymous : January 24, 2006

Eeek... what a couple of weeks this must have been.

I'm sorry to hear about your gramma. ((hugs))

I can't say I miss the days of puppy training... they were long and tiresome. Good luck with Mark and Stinky... He'll figure it out soon, and you'll get to enjoy the benefits of all your hard work!

Hope you're having a better week!

Ciao

Posted by Mandi : January 27, 2006

So, not much going on in your life lately, eh?

Once right out of high school I hit a cat one night, and I cried uncontrollably for hours on end. Someone else had to drive home and I had to be held the whole way. I totally know your pain.

Posted by Christi : February 02, 2006

Ha,ha..sorry. Well it seems that everything is going along smoothly for you then.
Happy Valentines Day..

Posted by Happy and Blue 2 : February 14, 2006

karla.....
thinking of you. That's all.

Posted by Dora : February 25, 2006

me, too.

Posted by Anonymous : February 28, 2006

me three : )

Posted by Anonymous : March 08, 2006

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