| Airplane Adventure Story Two: The Rubber Glove Shows No Love |
On our way home from our honeymoon in Jamaica, we happened to be the unfortunate couple in the crowd that was held back for further investigation. Apparently, leaving the country and not declaring anything seemed highly suspicious. When asked if we were sure we had nothing to declare, we put on our most innocent looking faces, smiled and said we were just returning from our honeymoon (wink wink, nudge nudge), so of course we didn’t spend any time shopping if you catch my drift.
Apparently, a cocky attitude and trying to be funny with a customs officer is not a good idea. The officer, looking very annoyed at our attempt at humour gazed down on us with contempt and condescension, repeating the question. “Are you absolutely sure you have nothing to declare?” At that point I didn’t think it was a wise idea to change the story and declare the t-shirt I was wearing. Truthfully, I was too lazy to fill out my little yellow declaration card on the airplane. I tried to nonchalantly zip up my jacket to hide the palm trees plastered across my chest (they just screamed “smuggle alert”). We all know the consequences for smuggling a t-shirt into Canada!
After a few minutes of getting grilled with questions about our stay and what we did, they decided to pull us aside for “further investigation”. I don’t know how two young people, obviously just returning from their honeymoon looked so suspicious. I mean I know we don’t tan well, but we really had just spent the week in Jamaica. Honest!
I still remember the moment so clearly in my mind. The officer who wanted to see us for “further investigation” signaled us over and proceeded to slip on a white rubber glove. Mark froze in his tracks at the echo of the rubber glove snapping against the officer’s wrist. I could almost hear the gears in his brain working in overdrive trying to figure out a way to get out of the situation.
I can still see the smirk on the officer’s face as he eyed Mark up and down, challenging him to run away from “the glove”.
We reluctantly approached the officer and surrendered our luggage. Again, we were asked if we had any drugs or alcohol. (Why is it that everyone who leaves Jamaica is expected to have Jamaican rum anyways?) For the last time, WE HAVE NO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL. Hands shaking, Mark stumbled to find the key to unlock our luggage and in the process, dropped it on the floor. Poor guy, under so much stress from the situation I think he thought he was dropping a bar of soap in a prison shower. He bent down to pick up the key in the most contorted way so as to not expose his bum in the air too much, as if he was expecting the gloved finger to poke him right then and there in his compromised bent over position.
He finally retrieved the key and opened up the suitcase. The officer rummaged around in our belongings for a little while. Luckily, he didn’t feel that our luggage consisting of lingerie and granola bars was so suspicious after, (you just never know what foreign food will be like) and sent us on our merry way, bum holes left unscathed.
I’m positive that Mark’s ass muscles still haven’t recovered from the extreme clenching he was doing praying for a miracle to save him from surrendering his bum hole to a stranger. Poor guy. No wonder he hates flying so much!
Next time I’ll be sure to buy a bottle of rum to declare. Apparently, carrying around alcohol makes you look less suspicious!Labels: Vacation |
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You are full of helpful traveling info latley! Thanks. Too Too funny!
I am Rolling on the Floor LMAO. Man I can totally see Mark face as this is going on. LOL. Karla I really love how you tell your stories. Can't wait to hear more.
I agree with curlytrouble. You are a good story teller. I must say if I thought there was a chance of a cavity search, I would be freaking too! I'm so glad for his sake that his bunghole wasn't probed.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Mark! Ass muscles! Oh, it's too funny! I want to go to Jamaica!
Let's see how funny it would be if it was Trey! None-to-funny let me tell you!!
I think he was just playing with us but I was freaked...
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blessed : June 03, 2005 
