| The Geology of Karla |
Geology has always been a passion of mine. I can’t help but feel awestruck at the uncompromising power and endurance the forces of nature possess to carve, shape, metamorphosize, renew, crystallize, fossilize, and magnetize the earth.
The Rocky Mountains are particularly fascinating. It took them hundreds of millions of years to form and their story is a true testament of the ability to find brilliant beauty and strength through adversity. I can’t help but find irony behind the natural forces and upheaval that took place to create such an amazing and awe inspiring landscape. It reminds me of my own internal geological forces at work, frantically scouring away at the landscape of my spirit and soul, willing it to move forward after the loss of my baby girl.
Before there were even mountains, the Pacific Ocean covered most of the western provinces. As the ocean advanced and receded time and time again, the waters slowly began leaving behind thin layers of silts and sands in its wake. A few million years later, the first instances of invertebrates and crustaceans breathed life into the ocean, and as these life forms died, their remains sank to the ocean floor creating layers of sediment on top of the fine silts and sands already covering the ground. Over a great deal of time, the load of the sediments compressed the underlying layers into rocky sandstones and shales.
As the world continued to change and evolve, the earths crust along the west coast began to waver. The extraordinary power of plate tectonics caused the layers of sediment on the ocean floor to squeeze, fold and twist relentlessly. The land began to crumpled and buckled and was eventually thrust upward from all of the force being exerted during the great collision. The magnificence and splendor of the Rocky Mountains was born.
Like the advancement and retreating of the Pacific Ocean, my own personal life ocean has advanced and receded often, leaving behind various layers of knowledge, memories, personality and character building strength each time it did. Occasionally, a turbulent storm hit shore and forced the protective shell that harshly defined the boundaries and limits of my being to soften. As I navigated every storm, a metamorphosis took place and the experiences washed ashore have helped shape and form who I am today. Weathering the tides has brought a boundless energy to my spirit, and a longing for life.
I never noticed the calm before the storm that would forever change the filter through which I understood the fragility and preciousness of life. Without warning the most devastating and crippling storm of all was unleashed. It washed my baby girl up on shore, gasping for air, holding on for a life that wasn’t meant to be. The tragedy was ruthless and uncompromising, shattering my life into a million little pieces, each one jagged at the edge, upside down, and scattered in every which direction.
As quickly as the storm arrived, it was gone, and my ocean solemnly returned to a state of retreat, dark clouds looming heavily above. My entire reality was left unsteady and quavering, my soul broken and crushed and my arms empty.
Surviving the aftermath of the storm left me with two choices. I could surrender and crumble from the pressure pushing and gouging at the landscape of my soul, forcing it to a bottomless and heartless depth, or I could embrace and meet the pandemonium staring me in my face head on, push up against it, and build my own mountain to climb and stand upon to rise above the turmoil.
I chose to rise up. I chose to rise above the storm. I chose to beckon my ocean to advance once again, I chose not to drown in sadness and most of all I chose to build my own mountain to climb and stand tall and proud on, above the calamity that will forever linger below.
I know these choices have shaped and strengthened me.
Some days I stand in awe at how I’ve managed to endure through these desperately heart wrenching time and how I have managed to build the resilience and inner strength necessary to withstand the unexpected stormy upheavals in my life as a more compassionate and stronger person.
Some days, I marvel in admiration at the forces I have had to overcome to build and climb that mountain, one slow step at a time.
Labels: Grief and Loss, In Memory of Ava |
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That was wonderfully written.
I don't know exactly what state you will be traveling to, but the Rocky Mountains are breathtaking. To stand at the top of a peak will hopefully bring you some sense of peace, even if for a brief time.
I wish you the best on your journey.
Karla you are one of the most amazing people I know, I am so lucky to have you for my daughter. I dont think there is a mother on this earth that could be more proud. You go girl and climb that mountain and when you get there remember what to do for me.
Love you lots.Mom
p.s. Mark you make me very proud also to be your mother-in-law
Love you lots. McMom
:)
That was wonderful Karla!
How are you doing today? I was thinking about you today. I want to email you something, what is your email address. Mine is kpower205@comcast.net
Your strength is amazing, and your talent for writing incredible. I enjoy your words.
Just beautiful. I love the way you put that. I hope you enjoy your trip to the mountains. That is one beautiful site to see.
You are an amazing person, just as your mother put it.
I am blessed to have come across your blog.
I hope you are feeling better today. Has Mark come home yet? If not I hope it won't be too much longer. Hugs.
Wow. That was really something beautiful, and true. You will defintely rise up, Karla. You already are. May the mountains speak to you. Best wishes on your trip.
Wonderful writing. Powerful metaphor. Great insight. Pushing this analogy further, it is the forces of erosion that carve much of the beauty that we see. The glaciers of the ice age leave us with remarkably shaped horn peaks and U valleys, for example. I guess one could make great applications from this too: the ice ages that we endure etc.
I hope you can hear me cheering you on, all the way over here in my corner of the world. Rise up girl, rise up!
Awesome beauty and strength will come out of all this pain eventually. Actually, I can see some of it already.
Totally awesome!
A M E N !!
I needed to read this today.
I wish for you to have everything that this trip needs to be for you to come full circle.
Love ya,
Karla, this is beautiful. And I was most certainly meant to find this today.
Hugs,
Ann Douglas
http://anndouglas.blogspot.com
your words show that you are a very strong woman, bravo!
your writing shows that you are a very talented woman, bravo, bravo!
hang in there, it's not easy to go through all these, but it would turnout be alright sooner or later.
as you said, "RISE UP!!"
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Gina : June 15, 2005 
