| The Neanderthal |
A week after my crash c-section, I was still in a lot of pain and couldn’t tolerate it any longer. I don’t think there is a way to put this delicately, but I was constipated like a son of a bitch. Your bowels just don’t feel the least bit compelled to get moving after a surgery like that, and truthfully, the constipation pain was far worse than labour. After waiting three hours at the walk in clinic for some relief, I was sent to emergency at the hospital for x-rays to check for an obstructed bowel (nasty).
Before being x-rayed, I attempted to communicate with “the Neanderthal” as I have so fondly named him, about the risks associated with x-raying over my reproductive organs. It was eight days since Ava had passed away, but the fear of not being able to have children again was very real. If having an x-ray over my uterus and exposing it to any sort of radiation posed any potential risks, I wanted (and needed) to know. I knew from my Geophysics background the horrible things that radiation (especially from an x-ray) can do to your body.
I was sitting in a wheel chair because I could barely walk. I could walk and stand through labour contractions, but not this pain. I was left out in the hallway twiddling my thumbs in my little wheelchair for what felt like forever before “the Neanderthal” emerged from his x-ray lair, peered over me and asked “is there any chance you are pregnant?”. I looked at him with so much disdain and hate for asking that question and spat out “No, my baby just died”.
Without even altering his cold expression or batting an eye lash he responded “So you are sure you aren’t pregnant”. I repeated my answer. “No, my baby just died”. “Ok”, he said. “as long as you aren’t pregnant”.
I looked quizzically at my husband, brows furrowed and stunned at “the Neanderthals” lack of sensitivity.
I piped up “Actually sir, I am hoping we can discuss this x-ray. I did just loose my baby and I am hoping to have more children sometime in the future. I need to understand the risks associated with an x-ray that passes over my uterus and reproductive organs before proceeding.”
His very political and democratic response was, “we perform x-rays on woman of childbearing age all the time. You can choose not to have the x-ray and leave if you want”. I thought of the state of pain I was in and the alternative of receiving no relief unless the doctors had the information they needed to proceed from this x-ray. I looked at Mark for some form of reassurance. Obviously this guy wasn’t out to help us understand anything, but we didn’t see any alternative. We had tried everything else, and this was the last resort. We agreed to proceed.
Mark had to leave the room while they did the x-ray. For the first x-ray, I was to lay flat on my back. I had a hard time getting out of the wheel chair and an even harder time trying to lay down on my own. I started to cry. I was so embarrassed to even be at the hospital for something like this, and was just devastated that I had to endure so much pain and now fear of exposing my reproductive organs to radiation while the raw emotions of my daughter’s death were still so fresh and painful in their own right.
While preparing the x-ray machine hanging from the ceiling above me, “the Neanderthal” saw that I was crying. I thought the look on his face revealed a hint of sympathy before he blurted out, “so you have no kids right?” Jesus Mother F*ing H. Christ! Was this asshole for real? Of course I have a child! Obviously he had no social skills or compassion. I spat back and challenged, “If you think the fact that my child just died means I don’t have a child, then no, I have no children”. He shrugged and left to cower behind his protective lead barrier while I exposed my uterus to the hateful radiation.
The second x-ray required me to be standing. Trying to rise from laying flat on my back was quite difficult. First, my abdominal muscles had been sliced open and it hurt to even sneeze. Second, I had BAD CONSTIPATION PAIN. I was essential immobile (no pun indented). I needed assistance walking for Christ’s sake, getting out of bed unassisted was next to impossible. I asked “the Neanderthal” to help me get up. He looked down on me with an obvious disgust and asked me what I wanted him to do. What a heartless bastard I thought to myself. I didn’t respond to his question and just grabbed his arm and helped myself up.
I was relieved to get out of that room. I’m sure I was asked the question “Do you have any children?” 1001 times before I became pregnant without even giving it a second thought. Now, the question is a double edged sword. No matter how I answer it, either I’m lying to the person about my answer, or my answer only leads to more painful questions or, in the case of "the Neanderthal", painful assumptions and hurtful comments.
I’m still not sure how to handle this sort of situation. I suppose it will depend on the person and the circumstance. The thought of just answering that I have no children to keep it simple and painless seems so unjust and wrong. I do have a beautiful baby girl, why should I feel compelled to hide that fact just to keep an awkward situation platonic? But on the same hand, I don’t want to cause unnecessary tension for a well meaning stranger or acquaintance.
Perhaps I will need to put on my emotionless face like “the Neanderthol” and provide the “politically correct” response. A response that will please the masses, avoid awkward silences and not reveal the actual truth. Sometimes it is just easier that way. The people that sent me a Mother’s Day card or wished me a Happy Mother’s Day understand that I am a mommy and I do have a child. At least the people that matter most to me in my life understand and I guess that is all I can ask for.
In case you’re wondering (cause I know it's such a burning question), yes, I received an enema. In fact, I made Mark sit right there beside me while the nurse administered it so he could be a part of my misery and embarrassment. What a swell guy he is! At least I kept my sense of humour about my humiliating experience. While leaving the hospital we had to purchase a token to exit the parking lot. I told the attendant who we purchased our token from that it just cost me $7.00 to come here and poo!
Labels: Soapbox |
Permanent link to this entry
|
|
|
|
|
I am sorry he was such an ass. Just goes to show that he is miserable and unhappy with himself.
Yes you are a mother and that will never change. My aunt lost a baby that was full term. She was still born. She was born a week early, and my aunt had a 3 year old at home and when people would ask she always said she had 2 girls and then 3 girls after her last baby. No matter how ackward she always included Angelica because she was her beautiful baby. Just like Ava is yours.
Sorry you had such a horrible experience and I am sure havign the constipation just added to your stress and misery.
You are a strong woman and make a wonderful mother.
What a douche that guy is! If you'd been able to, you should have crapped right there on his X-ray table.
And of course you have a child, a beautiful baby girl who is now an angel.
Man, Karla, there is a guy who could stand a bit of sensitivity training - probably wouldn't hurt to let his boss - or the hospital administrator know - what a jerk. Glad you got things taken care of!
Do you know Wordsworth's poem "We Are Seven"? I think you'd like its message.
http://www.theotherpages.org/poems/2000/w/words57.html
There are too many words I'm not supposed to say on here that are in my mind right now. What a dildo! There, that's pc, right? I have to say, you did good. I have a pretty even temper with people, but I would have lost it...constipated or not. YOu definitely should have said something. He needs to be fired for that crap!
just looked at the new picture you posted you look beautiful and the locket is so pretty.
WHat a jerk. I can't believe their are Dr.s like that. Remains me of the stupid Nurses I had when having my baby.
Even tough Ava is not here on earth with you, it doesn't mean she was never your daughter. She will always be your daughter and if someone asks you how many kids you have.......Always feel proud to say ONE BEAUTIFUL LITTLE ANGEL!
GOd BLESS!!
I love your new picture BTW...was that just takes? I love where is was taken.
Taken...I mean...NOT just takes?
Hey CurlyT.
Yup..thats me at the Pickering Beach beside the Nuclear Power Plant from last weekend. You can see one of the reactors in the backgroud to the far right.
(Did you hear about the bomb scare there the other day? Ummm considering its like the biggest Nuke Plant in North America, the fact that they even had a bomb threat is pretty scary!)
OH MY, I didn't hear about that. Sad I don't listen to the news much. That is very scary.
I just love that picture of you. You look so deep in thought. And that locket you wear is beautiful. I love that you hold a piece of Ava so close to your heart.
Please send a copy of this post of your experience to the following:
Radiology Dept Manager/Director
Chief of Staff
this man's direct supervisor
Patient's Representative Manager
Human Resources Manager
and
anyone else who has a managerial capacity.
Please, just do it.
And regarding the answer to the question(s) - you'll come up with an answer and it will probably vary....but something to the effect of we have a daughter who was stillborn will work fine. People will say they are sorry and you'll smile and know that they are telling the truth because so are you :)
Here's my rule,
Who cares about what anyone else thinks or feels, or reacts regarding your child. You have a child. Your baby is first, way before anyones feelings.When someone asks you if you have children you say what makes you comfortable. This is my rule and sometimes it does make others uncomfortable, but I don't care, my first responsibilty is towards my children and I'm sure you feel the same.
I love the locket.
Please please please file a formal complaint against the hospital where the Neanderthal works.
If it's the same one I am thinking of (and sounds right because of the 7$ parking tokens) they have experienced neanderthals before and are currently embroiled in a huge multi million doller lawsuit regarding one certain neaderthal "doctor" that has since lost his license. we are participants in a class action lawsuit against that 'doctor' AND the hospital. They are no strangers to horrible behaviour on the part of their employees, and you need to file a complaint so that jerk gets raked over the coals and sent to sensitivity training 101 before he's allowed to work again.
I'm so sorry for yet another horrid experience.
Your strength amazes me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Recently
Monday, June 06, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Friday, June 03, 2005
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Friday, May 27, 2005
|
|
|
|
Kate Giovinco Photography : June 07, 2005 
