| Empty Uterus and Empty Arms – Again |
Another tiny little life has been whisked away from us, although this time, we never had the chance to caress their cheeks or hold them in our arms.
Finding the courage to attempt conception again was no easy feat. Battling with my husband about our conflicting emotions and readiness to try again tugged deeply at my heart and tested my will and patience like I have never been tested before.
The day he finally came to me and let me know that he had never lived his life in fear and wasn’t about to start was the first time I felt hope since Ava died. A sense of optimism set in, mixed with a tiny shred of naivety that there was no way possible the world would summon such devastation into our lives again.
That sense of naivety has forever been lost.
Devastation happened. Again.
The life we created is gone. And if life couldn’t get any fucking crueler, an ectopic pregnancy still hasn’t been ruled out because even though my uterus is now empty, I have been bleeding for a week and my hormone levels still scream I am pregnant. Two babies have died on me in one year, and if that isn’t enough to send me to my knees, there is a chance a pregnancy is located in one of my fallopian tubes putting my fertility greatly at risk.
I feel numb and I feel completely helpless.Labels: Grief and Loss, Thinking Out Loud |
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Oh Karla, I am so sorry. I have been thinking about you alot lately. I am so sorry to hear that. My girlfriend is recovering from an eptopic pregnancy and had a tube removed. She is recovering slowly. It is so heartbreaking.
I will think good thoughts and hope that someday soon you and Mark will have the baby you deserve!
Hugs
I am so sorry Kara. I am praying for you and mark!
All I can say is you are in my thoughts and prayers. I ache for you guys. I HATE that this happens, it is so unfair. If I had one wish it would be for all of my friend and blog friends would NEVER have to deal with this problem.
Know you are not alone, I have 4 friends dealing with similar problems.
Oh Karla! I wish I could reach all the way from here and give you a big hug.
I don't think there is anything I could possibly say to assuage your grief, other than I am thinking of you and Mark. You both were so very brave to try again, I can only hope that things are not as bad as they seem as far as your future fertility.
I am weeping with you.
Im so sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts an prayers.
My first baby died from a major heart defect at 8 weeks old. My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 5-6 weeks along. I remember saying to my counsellor, "How many more of my babies have to die before I get to keep one?". It was agony, and for a while I hated everybody else who continued to get pregnant and have babies. But no more babies of mine died, and now I have two healthy happy girls. Please do not give up, despite the pain. The prize is so worth it.
Oh, Karla. I am SO sorry.
I have been worried about you because you havent posted in a while. I was afraid something might be wrong. I am sorry I was right.
Life is so FREAKING UNFAIR. I will NEVER understand why things like this happen, over and over to good people....I will go to my grave wondering why a crack whore can get pregnant and have a baby and people like you and me that would DIE for a healthy child are denied that.
I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and your husband. Hang in there.
I too have been wondering about you because you haven't written for awhile. There are no words, just tears right now. My heart goes out to you.
For what it’s worth – my mother went through four miscarriages in a row.
They decided at that time to stop trying.
Then there was me.
Ooops.
It'll happen Karla, our thoughts are with you.. Good luck.. and don't give up...
Coming out of lurkdom to say, I'm praying for you.
I'm so sorry, Karla. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys. I hope you get some answers soon.
I was here yesterday and didn't know what to say. I started an email with the same result. About all I can think to say is that you have been heard and your pain has been acknowledged far and wide.
Oh, I've been checking for an update to your blog, and this was not what I was expecting. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say, as if something I could say would make anything better. I'm just so, so sorry.
Karla,
I have been reading your blog since you started with little Ava's. My heart goes out to you. I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through. Those two babies cannot be replaced, and I know you will carry them in your heart forever. You and your husband are in my prayers.
Please don't give up hope.
I hope all goes well for you from here. I am saying a prayer that the labs are a fluke, and your hormone levels go back to normal.
I will never understand why the world goes the way it does. I still have hope in my heart that you will one day have your baby, although I can see why yours might be waning right now. This is so awful! I want you to have a baby so bad!
Hi Karla,
I've been reading for a long time now, and my heart just breaks for you. I'm so sorry.
My husband and I lost several before we had one living child, then lost again. It's so very hard to keep going...but when you do hold that tiny little baby in your arms--it just mends everything. I didn't believe those words when they were spoke to me, but now I do. Good luck.
Karla, I am so, so sorry. You and Mark are in my thoughts.
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Kate Giovinco Photography : March 09, 2006 
