untanglingknots.com: Paw in Mouth

by Karla ° Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I need to divert my attention to stuff less traumatic than dying babies. Talking about my ever so adorable poop machine of a puppy weighs in just under the trauma level and just above the hair ripping, frustration level on my going insane scale of sanity, or lack thereof.

Samson started puppy school a few weeks ago. It has become my comic relief as we attend the canine circus every week. The pooch brigade is more like a puppy pile up playathalon, which is entertaining considering I’m certain there are hamsters masquerading as itty bitty dogs and elephants cleverly festooned in German Shepherd attire in our class. Of course, no puppy circus would be complete without a buoyant Boxer that likes to make circles on the floor with his pee while jumping and bucking like a rodeo bull.

Samson is, of course, the only normal dog, and of course again, the most handsome and dapper doggy on the planet, despite his love for ear chomping, humping small dogs, and weekly course finale of leaving a giant piss puddle by my feet.

Having a puppy is a very new experience for me. They do strange things. Like suddenly taking off running, full steam ahead, and completing 14 million circles around the dining room table, with the occasional detour through the kitchen, surely as an attempt to add spice and variety from the dizzying dullness of running in circles around a table.

When he really gets going, he does, what I have since discovered, the hard way, is not an aggressive “I want to eat you” growl, but a happy “I just like being crazy and it makes me content to run and growl” growl. The means with which this discovery was made was a regrettable word faux pas on my part.

In a world of political correctness, it’s sometimes easy to forget proper etiquette in your choice of words when speaking in front of a crowd.

Instead of asking the trainer why he likes to tear through the house at full speed, I asked the trainer, “What does it mean when has a Retard Fit”, in front of every single mammal, fury or not, present.

Well fuck, I just garishly offended every star trek fan and mentally challenged person on the planet.

The trainer officially dislikes me, and the only person who talks to me in the class is a lady who feeds her dog a four foot long chew toy that is made out of bull penis. Samson needs friends to bite and hump. Maybe tonight I’ll try to bamboozle the puffy poodle into being Samson's hump buddy.

Labels: Samson

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Comments:

Let's not forget that Samson is also the only dog who is not tired at the end of class. When most of the dogs begin sleeping at their owners feet Samson, the wunderpup, is ready to go again on another round of puppy play.

Such a fun buddy to have around though. I see so many amazing things in how he's learning and growing.

Posted by Mark : March 15, 2006

I'm a Star Trek fan, and I wasn't offended! ;)

Posted by Gina : March 16, 2006

Oh dear God, someone who loves alliterations as much as I do. Thank you, I thought I was the only one.

Thank you also for the many mental images of your adorable puppy humping a puffy poodle. Found you through A Penny For Them, and I'm sticking around.

Posted by Anonymous : March 20, 2006

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