untanglingknots.com: Déjà vu or Intuition

by Karla ° Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Déjà vu or Intuition

Do you believe in any of these? Is a déjà vu a real experience, or is it just your mind trying to help you cope with a situation that can be too overwhelming to comprehend.

Does intuition and “gut feelings” really hold any truth or validity?

In my opinion, Déjà vu and Intuition are all very real and powerful experiences.

I suppose some background about my beliefs on this matter is in order.

I took a great interest in the phenomenon of ESP, Telekinesis, and mind over matter topics around the time I started high school. I had met someone who seemed to actually possess the ability to read into the future, and as much as that freaked me out how much they “knew” about me, we instantly clicked and I became fascinated with ESP.

Always a skeptic, I researched the topic of ESP trying to understand how one could possess such qualities and even wrote an essay on this very topic. Essentially, the argument of the essay was that as humans, we all possess this remarkable 6th sense, whether we know it or not. The simple factors of time and evolution has pushed and dimmed our ability to recognize these senses into the background as more efficient language skills evolved.

We have many modern forms of communication now, but how did humans communicate before language and spoken words? I think that once we learned to speak and communicate with gesture and words, our ability to use our minds for communication was thrust somewhere deep within us, lying somewhat dormant, as we learned different forms of communication. Occasionally however, this sense that is laying dormant resurfaces, and our intuitive nature shines through, or just plain and simple, we get that “gut feeling”.

(I suppose this theory disregards any theology about the bible and creationism, but that is probably a topic better suited for another day).

Déjà vu, much like intuition I think, is another unexplained phenomenon that is closely related to ESP (or for most of us, the numbed down sense of intuition), that reiterates how much we really do know about something. Déjà vu is French for “already seen”, and if you have ever experienced it, it is an overpowering sense of familiarity with something that shouldn’t be familiar at all.

(I know déjà vu has been linked to episodes before an epileptic seizure, but it has also been validated in the medical community to occur in individuals with and without a medical condition. Some psychoanalysts even attribute it to a strange mismatching in the brain that causes it to mistake the present for the past, and some parapsychologists even have suggested that it is related to past life experiences. Whatever you believe, I think most of us can say we’ve experienced some form or another of déjà vu).

I suppose I should cut to the chase here and get on with my point.

When I was pregnant with Ava, and I heard the song “See the Sun” by Dido, I bawled and bawled for absolutely no reason whatsoever because I had the most overpowering awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I would be listening to that song over and over and over again to help deal with a tragedy beyond my comprehension. Truthfully, I feared I would miscarry her, and that song would help me heal. Having that feeling freaked the shit out of me and I wouldn’t listen to that song again.

When my husband and I walked into the funeral home and he saw her tiny little lambskin coffin, he immediately collapsed on the floor beside it with the most intense Déjà vu. He had a feeling that he had already experienced the moment he had to face his daughters tiny little coffin. He was paralyzed with emotion by the intensity of a memory he shouldn’t have.

Here I sit today listening to Dido’s song, See the Sun, over and over and over, and I can’t help but wonder if my “gut feelings” were a warning of the despair that was in store for me. In any case, when I feel so overwhelmed by something as simple as the lyrics to a song, I can’t help but give credence and take notice of the little “signs” that are out there for us.

I’ve always believed that everything happens for a reason and there is no such thing as a coincidence (which has been the ultimate test of my faith considering the recent tragedy of Ava's death). But that begs the question, if I did know on an unconscious level, would I have really wanted to know consciously? In any case, the one thing I will never be able to believe in is Self Fulfilling Prophecy. That would just shake my core to a point of no return.

Here are the lyrics that sit close to my heart today, but instilled a fear in me that I couldn't quite explain throughout my pregnancy.

I'm comin' 'round to open the blinds
You can't hide here any longer
My God you need to rinse those puffy eyes
You can't last here any longer

And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again

Come on take my hand
We're going for a walk, I know you can
You can wear anything as long as it's not black
Please don't mourn forever
She's not coming back

And yes they'll ask you where you've been
And you'll have to tell them again and again

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll seethe sun again

Do you remember telling me you found the sweetest thing of all
You said one day this was worth dying for
So be thankful you knew her at all
But it's no more

And you probably don't want to hear tomorrow's another day
Well I promise you you'll see the sun again
And you're asking me why pain's the only way to happiness
And I promise you
you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
And I promise you you'll see the sun again
I promise you you'll see the sun again

See the sun again
See the sun again
See the sun again
See the sun again

Labels: Grief and Loss, In Memory of Ava

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Comments:

Forgive me for trying to explain something that I know little about - but deja vu is actually a chemical lapse in the brain. It's like a little rewind button. The reason that you feel like you've lived that moment before is because you have. A misfire happens in your brain and it replays that exact moment again.

I have a question for you. Even if you knew what was going to happen once your perfect daughter was born, would you have chosen not to go through with the pregnancy?

I don't always feel that foresight actually helps us. Typically, with the big matters, we wouldn't change our actions even if we knew how awful the outcome would be.

I don't believe that you would have terminated your pregnancy with Ava had you known what was going to happen. Even though the turn of events was and is horrible, she still showed you so much more about life than you could have ever seen without her. Her time was short, but she truely is an angel. She came to touch your lives - and she did. Her life touched many of us without ever seeing her.

I'm sorry if I'm putting words in your mouth of mis-judging your life... I just wanted tell you how I felt about it.

Posted by Anonymous : July 19, 2005

Thank you for sharing your thoughts Anonymous.:)

You are absolutely correct in that I wouldn’t have decided any differently about my pregnancy had I known the outcome.

Same reason why I refused any genetic testing during my pregnancy (and still refuse to have tests performed on my husband or myself for DNA testing, despite the doctors recommendations and requests). The outcome or results of the test don’t matter. The precious life inside my tummy was all that mattered, no matter what.

I am grateful and thankful for the seven hours she graced our lives outside my womb and for the nine months she lived inside of me. I treasure those moments very near and dear to my heart every waking moment, and am a better and stronger person because of her.

Posted by karla : July 19, 2005

WOW KARLA, I don't know what to say to that.
I'm still praying for you.

Posted by Tammy : July 19, 2005

Wow! What a powerful song. Looking back on what you have been through, it seems like it was written for you, but hearing it and reacting to it has nothing to do with what happened to your little angel.

I don't understand Deja Vu or intuition but I read a very interesting book that came to mind as I read your blog.
"Expecting Adam" by Martha Beck.

AC just came into the room and asked me if I had read your blog and maybe I should tell you about the book. So it came to both our minds for you.

Posted by Cuppa : July 19, 2005

Thank you for shareing your thoughts. I too lost a child and I had such terrible preminisions before I lost her that I knew something was wrong and something terrible was going to happen. This is weird to me how it happend and I just can't explain the feeling I got but deep down I just knew. Im sorry for you loss.
My daughters site www.littlesarah.net

Posted by Colleen : July 19, 2005

I too have experienced this explained awful feeling. I am 20 wks with our second and am having a hard time being as happy as I was with our first, I fear something may happen and don't want to get to excited.
You are in my thoughts, take care
T

Posted by canadiantania : July 19, 2005

That song really does sound like it was written for you. I'm going to have to hear it.

I have experienced those feelings too. Right now I have a strong bad feeling about something happening to my mom. I don't know what, but my guess is she's going to lose her mind completely with grief and guilt over my dad.

Posted by Unknown : July 19, 2005

I knew a man who could read minds.
I know how this sounds, but I actually “felt” him in mine, and that is probably one of the most unpleasant sensations I’ve ever had. He put a question in my mind and he told me my unspoken answer.
I lived for some time with what I firmly believe to be a poltergeist and have personally witnessed paranormal phenomenon that I hope never to repeat.
I know these things are real from personal experience.
Still, I remain a firm creationist. I believe in intelligent, benevolent design.
Is it possible that this foreboding you both felt was a way to prepare you so that you had some warning, however vague and muffled by your desire to reject such a dreadful outcome?
I don’t mean to reject your theory.
Just some grist for the mill.

Posted by methatiam : July 19, 2005

i heard the song and it didn't mean much to me before. but after reading your post, this song now carries a different and stronger message. karla, you'll definitely see the sun again. it may take quite a while, but you would be there.

i have no good, professional knowledge about déjá vu and intuition. but when denny and i went to check out the apartment we have just bought, once i got into the apartment i had a strong feeling that i had seen it before, like in a dream or something. is that déjá vu?? i dunno, but i call it a "mysterious power" in me.

Posted by Anonymous : July 20, 2005

I'm covered in goosebumps now.

Posted by Leesa : July 20, 2005

I have read an interesting book titled "The Power of Fear" and the author, who is a prominent law enforcement kind of guy, (I am almost positive he was on Oprah)who said that we absolutely should listen to our intuition about situations.

In his case, he was referring more to a type of situation such as man walking behind you, and all of a sudden the hairs on your neck stand up, and that kind of thing. But he really believes that we get into a lot of problems when we don't listen to our guts and try to act in a more "socially acceptable way."

I do believe in intuition and just the other day I had a total deja vu moment.

As for the song, Karla, it does seem to ultimately be a song of hope.

Posted by Gina : July 21, 2005

I believe in both intuition and deja vu.

A few weeks before I had a miscarriage, I was struck by a wierd feeling. I realized I did not feel pregnant. Not only were there not many pg symptoms, but I actually felt "empty", and told my husband so. A few weeks later I m/c'd, and it was determined that the embryo had stopped growing 3 weeks prior.

I also am not so sure that deja vu is just the brain misfiring and reliving something you just experienced a second ago. Because I swear I have dreamed things that seemed random or weird at the time, only to actually live that moment years later.

I love Dido and need to get that CD.

Posted by Anonymous : July 22, 2005

My Name is a very touching song.

Posted by canadiantania : July 22, 2005

Hmm... I've always believed that the answers are within us...we only need to wait for the experience and path to bring them to the surface.
That song is beautiful and an answer to prayer for many of us - we pray that you will be comforted and nurtured and that your grief journey will not be alone. You are doing GREAT work. Great work - looking at all the range of emotiona, thoughts, feelings and experiences...and yes, even lyrics that can speak to your soul as it heals.

Posted by Dora : July 26, 2005

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